RWC Semi finals

[auchtermuchty]

Well there are only two of them so lets put them both under the same flag.

Here are your officials for the semi's

England v France (semi-final - 13 October)

Ref: Jonathan Kaplan (RSA)
TJ: Paul Honiss (NZL)
TJ: Marius Jonker (RSA)
4: Nigel Owen (WAL)
5: Alain Rolland (IRE)
TMO: Stuart Dickinson (AUS)

South Africa v Argentina (semi-final - 14 October)

Ref: Steve Walsh (NZL)
TJ: Alan Lewis (IRE)
TJ: Chris White (ENG)
4: Joel Jutge (FRA)
5: Wayne Barnes (ENG)
TMO: Tony Spreadbury (ENG)

Bronze medal match

Ref: Paul Honiss (NZL)
Other officials tba

Alain Roland is in the middle for the final with the others to be named later.

Now bearing in mind that the last two games Kaplan has reffed he has let some dodgy play go unpunished (Vickery's trip and the Italian 9 nearly decapitating a Jock) I think The winner of Englands game will need the extra day to recover!

[JAFAD666]

I`m surpised to see Paul Honiss is not the Ref for the final. He`s the best in the world.

[tommo9999]

Honiss, Walsh and the other NZ refs are poor in my opinion. They let some stuff go and get really picky with other stuff, and simply are just not consistent enough. I think Rolland is a good choice, especially if France get to the final, but also because he's had a good world cup. I think the boy Barnes has done himself no harm either.

[squipper]

Wayne Barnes has done himself proud, IMHO he has had a very good tournament. Chris White is a very good technical referee (probably the best in the world) but does not fit with the spectacle of a world cup final. Tony Spreadbury would laugh his way through is and prove to be more than capable of the game.

Fully support the choice of Alain Rolland over ALL of the southern hemisphere referees, they tend to referee for the crowd and not for the players or the game of Rugby Union. Rolland is calm, positive and is also the only referee in world rugby to have international caps to his name!!!

[rugby then work]

I think one of the main problems with the Southern Hemisphere Referees is the Super 14 competition; they seem to have a much more liberal interpretation of the offside rule (especially at rucks) and seem unwilling to call anything a forward pass unless it resembles a NFL quarterbacks 'Hail Mary'. This then carries over into international matches where Northern Hemisphere teams suffer from the differing interpretation.

The Offside line at a ruck is the back foot, not the middle of the ruck for fecks sake.::/:

[docbombhead]

I have to agree with squipper, the northern hemisphere referees are far better at letting the game flow than their southern hemisphere counterparts. But I will say that most of the refs this tournament so far have been consistent with the advantage law (which has really gripped my s**t in the past) and the length of time they'll play the advantage, before some refs would call advantage over after two passes of the ball where others would see the ball spun out to the wing and back before calling advantage over. and as for Steve Walsh don't get me started on him in my opinion he shouldn't be refereeing he's been banned more times than most players. Twice in fact during the 2003 world cup and the Lions tour in NZ

[rugby then work]

Does anyone think that Argentina are going to turn the South Africans over on Sunday?

I personally think that this may be a game to far for them, they've had some great results but they have all been on the back of forward domination. South Africa are probably the worst side for them to be playing as they are not going to be able to bully them in the forwards. Fiji showed that if you move the SA pack around and you're willing to put some width on the ball, cracks will show in the SA defence. Unfortunately Argentina don't play like that and I can't see them changing with any success.

[auchtermuchty]

I disagree,

The Arg kicking game will have the RSA pack running for the first 40 minutes, which has been proven they dont like. The puma pack is definitely more mobile and should set out to take advantage of that by throwing it wide. What they cant afford is Hernandez taking pot shot DG's from his own half or the RSA back three will crucify them.

I think its gonna be tight and filled with penalties - then again I predicted one way traffic from the aussies so what do I know!

P.S. the week goes from bad to worse for Doug Howlett (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtml?xml=/sport/2007/10/10/urnhowlett110.xml)

[docbombhead]

I reckon it'll be another very close game with penalties galore and with kickers like Contepomi and Montgomery on the pitch not a lot will get missed, just reading the RWC web page Monty has a better success rate at the moment so I think the Boks will sneak it, and with two very physical packs it's going to be a ding dong of a game up front.

[rugby then work]

Always good to disagree! I don't that the Puma pack is any more mobile than the SA forwards, I also think that unless Hernandez hits every touch finder into the stands he'll be asking for trouble, Habana/Pieterson/Montgomery et al will run if given free ball and the forwards wont have to do much back peddling with the backs coming up field to meet them. I also think that the SA's will put a lot more pressure on Hernandez in an ttempt to disrupt his kicking game, something they are very good at especially Butch James. The clincher for me will be after 60 minutes and the replacements that SA can introduce compared with the Puma bench, that for me is where the biggest gap in talent lies.

I'm going for a convincing (though by no means easy) win for the South Africans.

[rugby then work]

The French have announced their team

France team:

1 Olivier Milloud
2 Raphaël Ibanez (c)
3 Pieter de Villiers
4 Fabien Pelous
5 Jérôme Thion
6 Serge Betsen
7 Thierry Dusautoir
8 Julien Bonnaire
9 Jean-Baptiste Elissalde
10 Lionel Beauxis
11 Cédric Heymans
12 Yannick Jauzion
13 David Marty
14 Vincent Clerc
15 Damien Traille

Replacements:

16 Dimitri Szarzewski
17 Jean-Baptiste Poux
18 Sébastien Chabal
19 Imanol Harinordoquy
20 Frédéric Michalak
21 Clément Poitrenaud
22 Christophe Dominici

[docbombhead]

The French have announced their team

France team:

1 Olivier Milloud
2 Raphaël Ibanez (c)
3 Pieter de Villiers
4 Fabien Pelous
5 Jérôme Thion
6 Serge Betsen
7 Thierry Dusautoir
8 Julien Bonnaire
9 Jean-Baptiste Elissalde
10 Lionel Beauxis
11 Cédric Heymans
12 Yannick Jauzion
13 David Marty
14 Vincent Clerc
15 Damien Traille

Replacements:

16 Dimitri Szarzewski
17 Jean-Baptiste Poux
18 Sébastien Chabal
19 Imanol Harinordoquy
20 Frédéric Michalak
21 Clément Poitrenaud
22 Christophe Dominici

Surprised he made it after the pounding he had off Rokocoko in that tackle he made. I thought you were automatically out for 3 weeks after being knocked out or is that just with concussion ?

[rugby then work]

Surprised he made it after the pounding he had off Rokocoko in that tackle he made. I thought you were automatically out for 3 weeks after being knocked out or is that just with concussion ?

I thought so as well, the French must be claiming he was never actually knocked out. (It was actually Nallets knee that did the damage)

[docbombhead]

I thought so as well, the French must be claiming he was never actually knocked out. (It was actually Nallets knee that did the damage)

Wasn't knocked out ! the physio's rolled him into the recovery position as soon as they got on the pitch, he looked like he'd been on the stella for 4 days when he was walking off. a lot of teams are saying no player had concussion or had been knocked out so they can play them, it'll come back and bite someone in the ar*e one day when they take another knock and it does some serious damage.

[box-of-frogs]

Off Topic
Anyone else getting concerned that the French may actually win the world cup??? My heart says England, the head is quietly saying the cheese eating surrender monkeys.
Off Topic

[auchtermuchty]

England name an unchanged side - personally didnt see a need to change it after a performance like that.

[auchtermuchty]

Didnt know this (http://www.rfu.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/RFUHome.News_Detail/StoryID/17906) was happening!!!!

Think it may create a strange atmosphere and I'd rather be down the rugby club.

[rugby then work]

Didnt know this (http://www.rfu.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/RFUHome.News_Detail/StoryID/17906) was happening!!!!

Think it may create a strange atmosphere and I'd rather be down the rugby club.

Not where I'll be watching the game anyway, I'd find it hard to watch a game of rugby without a pint of cider in my hand.

I'll be in a pub in Gloucester watching the game after seeing Glaws beat Sale a couple of hours earlier. :PDT_Xtremez_30:

[FOMz]

Cnut - funny old thing, I'm at work!!!

[rugby then work]

Cnut - funny old thing, I'm at work!!!


Off TopicBit p1ssed off that Vianakolo is still injured but Gareth Cooper, Marco Bortolami, Akapusi Qera and Rory Lawson are all back from the World cup and either starting or on the benchOff Topic


I'll spare you a thought while I'm having my prematch Cider and Pork & Stuffing roll.

[auchtermuchty]

For those of you that have forgotten it exists, the teams for the other semi!

South Africa: P Montgomery; JP Pietersen, J Fourie, F Steyn, B Habana; B James, F du Preez; O du Randt, J Smit (capt), CJ van der Linde, B Botha, V Matfield, S Burger, J Smith, D Rossouw.
Replacements: B du Plessis, J du Plessis, J Muller, B Skinstad, R Pienaar, A Pretorius, W Olivier.


Argentina: I Corleto, L Borges, M Contepomi, F Contepomi, H Agulla, J Hernandez, A Pichot (capt), G Longo, J Lobbe, L Ostiglia, P Albacete, I Lobbe, M Scelzo, M Ledesma, R Roncero.
Replacements: A Basualdo, O Hasan, R Alvarez, J Leguizamon, N Miranda, F Todeschini, G Tiesi. .

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

Time for "Le Crunch" again.

Will France be the "Golden Delicious"..

Or will the current World Champs be equalling the best defence of the trophy.

Whatever, the tension is going to be awesome!!!:PDT_Xtremez_19:

[Vim_Fuego]

I'm feeling quite tense now...wish the game would hurry up and start.

[Sospan]

Good Luck England, if we see another pack performance like last week it could be a classic. Keep that British flag flying !

[Tashy_Man]

Good Luck England, if we see another pack performance like last week it could be a classic. Keep that British flag flying !

Snap here....good luck, should be a cracking match.

Crack on..........:PDT_Xtremez_09:

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

Nerves are building. Don't go and watch in public for semi,s . Teams lose when i do.

[MAINJAFAD]

Fastest Try in RWC History - 5-0 England

[Sospan]

Fastest Try in RWC History - 5-0 England

Ooops
:PDT_Xtremez_30: :PDT_Xtremez_30: :PDT_Xtremez_30:

[Sospan]

France 9 England 8.

10 mins to go Laurence is on and its setting up nicely for a Johnny drop goal winner.

[MAINJAFAD]

Oh no 11-9 England, can't watch

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

My nerves will be shot!!

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

Sir Jonny!

[SirSaltyHelmet]

Deja Vu

Would never have won anything without him!

[Cooheed]

Way to go England :PDT_Xtremez_30:

[MAINJAFAD]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

How did we get through that..

[Comms_Lad]

FECK SEMIS



WE GOIN TO THE BLOODY FINALS !!!!!!

[Studley dangerfcuk]

Well done you soft southern poofs. Way to go.

Studley :PDT_Xtremez_28:

[Bitburger]

Enggggggggggggggerrrrrrrrrrrrrrland

[SirSaltyHelmet]

Well done!

[Tashy_Man]

Well what can I say........WELL DONE ENGLAND !!!!

I can tell you, you have never heard a welshman shout and scream so much when that drop goal went over........It will be repeated only one more time at next weeks final....after that England suck again !!!

Well done.....now come on the Argies !!!!

Crack on...........:PDT_Xtremez_09:

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

To all the Welsh and Scottish goaters, thanks

[propersplitbrainme]

Good grief. Could almost turn me into a wugger fan after that :PDT_Xtremez_17:
Our footballers could definately learn a thing or two about determination and bottle from the rugby side though :PDT_Xtremez_14:

[Bitburger]

That was a second Waterloo

[Sospan]

To all the Welsh and Scottish goaters, thanks



Our footballers could definately learn a thing or two about determination and bottle from the rugby side though :PDT_Xtremez_14:

And the poofball fans could.:PDT_Xtremez_28:

[fogducker]

VIVA LA FECKING ENGLAND

[busby1971]

Sooo shocked

Sooo Happeeeee

Cumon the Argies

We shouldn't really be at this stage but what the hell lets win the cup

Fans logic we'll win, I said this before it all started, and it is the only opinion I have, until proven otherwise..

[Talk Wrench]

We won..............


Again and great to see we fckucked the French off.



I am inToulouse at the mo and the atmos is electric.

TW

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

We won..............


Again and great to see we fckucked the French off.



I am inToulouse at the mo and the atmos is electric.

TW

All those mercenary Airbus boys... I hope the biggest St Georges flag possible is hanging off the wing of the next A380 coming out!!!

[cockneyrock]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Now I am no fan of Rugby Union, however, I will support England at anything, RL, RU, Association Football, Commonwealth Games, Chess, Tiddly Winks, Cow pat throwing, Bog Snorkelling etc.

Well done England great to be in the final.

However, what an awful game. I think I counted about 10 periods where the backs, of either side, ran with the ball in hand in the second half. Don't get me wrong, a win is a win, but that was possibly the worst "game of rugby" I have ever sat through. Granted it had its excitement but it wasn't rugby. I thought that "William Web Elise" revolutionised the game of football by picking up the ball and running with it?! (OK in know that is a myth but run with me). Unfortunately, World Cup Rugby does no favours for Rugby Union. World Cups are all about winning; flair and spectacle doesn't get a look in. It is all about knuckling down for the win; a task that England took on and excelled at. However, watch club RU and you might enjoy the game, but when it is win at all cost, England will look to the forwards to perform. The endless monotony of watching forward after forward pick up the ball, take 2 paces forward and fall over (repeat adnorsium) just kills any chance of enjoying Rugby at it’s best. Eventually, they will play for the penalty and watch Johnny kick it over. Now, this tactic is admiral, however, it doesn't really follow the spirit of "William". And to add insult to injury, Brian Ashton, Phil Vickery and even Jason Robinson acknowledged that this was the plan to get France out of the cup during their post match interviews. And look at who they will play in the final, South Africa of Argentina, 2 more countries that are fine exponents of killing the game. At the end of the day, the rules of RU only support league matches.

As I said at the beginning, well done England and good luck in the final, however, anyone see a common trend here between 1966 and our Rugby Team? Namely boring boring England. (Remember the "long ball" tactic?).

Still well done England and good luck in the final, I'll be rooting for you along side the tiddly winks and bog snorkelling team. Thank good I watched Leeds -v- St Helens tonight otherwise I would have lost all faith in spectacular Rugby.

(all spelling, grammar, and garbled statements are due to the bottle of red wine swilling around my stomach)

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

So. You saw two aussie dominated teams play a game that sold out to good old Rupert. I do like RL but it is a very different game to union as Andy f will agree.

Jason Robinson came close to scoring the most spectacular score in RWC history.. But he didn't..

England in the final.

Crack on!!!

[rugby then work]

OK it wasn't the most expansive game of rugby ever, but as has already been stated, in a RWC semi a win is a win. Englands achievements in this world cup are made all the better by the terrible build up to and abysmal start they had to this tournament. I'm going to watch the game again in a minute before I make any further comments because I'd had quite a few ciders by 2000 last night after watching Glaws stuff Sale at Kingsholm.

[True Blue Jack]

First off: congratulations to England for reaching the final. That hurt to say.

However, that was the most boring 80 minutes of rugby I have seen in nearly 20 years. The end might justify the means but I think Rugby Union's reputation has been damaged by the game plan (on both sides). England were very strong defensively but the key factor was France's peculiar tactic of kicking long and in-field. Territory is important but you can't do anything if you don't have the ball.

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

First off: congratulations to England for reaching the final. That hurt to say.

However, that was the most boring 80 minutes of rugby I have seen in nearly 20 years. The end might justify the means but I think Rugby Union's reputation has been damaged by the game plan (on both sides). England were very strong defensively but the key factor was France's peculiar tactic of kicking long and in-field. Territory is important but you can't do anything if you don't have the ball.

I don't think it was boring for the french or English fans watching it. It was nerve racking.

If it was boring for everybody else.. Sorry. I don't think that the English team really care on the views from upset Celts.

[wgaf]

I'd have been able to understand the arguements about boring rugby 10 1/2 years ago when rugby was still amateur. Lets be honest here, rugby union has long since been turned into a money spinning excercise. It really is a win at all costs mentality these days. Bit sick and tired of all the 'Boring England' posts here. IF we do manage to retain the Webb Ellis trophy in 10 or 20 years time no one will remember the style we played, they will remember the fact that England were the first side to retain the trophy.
As an aside, to the league fans who reckon union is too boring, a lot of the reason for that are the defensive techniques and systems bought in from league. I'd played union for the best part of 20 years before I played my 1st game of league and until then I really couldn't see the attraction of watching one team of players crash into another. Both codes have their attractions, but they are still both totally different games, although getting closer all the time. Personally I love to watch and play both codes.

[auchtermuchty]

If it was boring, please explain to my partner why it was the most animated she has seen me watching a game of rugby.

It was ugly I'll agree but ask the aussie or kiwi contingent if they would like to be in the final but playing ugly and I bet you'd get plenty of positive replies. Those that berate the style of play adopted by England to win do not understand forward play. Nor do they understand the history of the game.

This may get me a nerd tag but here goes......

There was a time when a try was worth 0 points and it was viewed as just a way to get to the kicking game. which is why in the annals of history you get a lot of 6-3 and 3-0 scorelines. So all England have done is return to a style of play that was deemed essential in the beginning. To say that the fabled W.W.E. was trying to invent an expansive open game is widely off the mark. The game was transformed into this effectively by a tour of Maori's in the first decade of the 1900's to these shores where they played 30-odd games and went home undefeated. (I think it was 1905 and 36 games but I've been drinking and cant be arsed to look it up) They adopted a style which is similar to the way Fiji play 7's and the british defences had no idea how to combat it. Prior to this it wasnt unusual for all team players to be in a ruck kicking seven bells out of each other and hopefully the opposition. The IRB now try to advocate the 'sexy' rugby as it is undoubtedly more TV friendly and therefore revenue inducing.

Personally, I'll take an ugly win in any game. In a RWC semi I'd kill a sibling for a win - and I've only got one!

I defy any country to say they would rather lose pretty than win ugly.

As for the RL grand final - should we pole the St. Helens fans and see if they would like history rewritten but they will win ugly? Again I think there would be a lot of 'As long as we win' type answers.

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

England - South Africa it looks like.

While I can't see 36-0 again, England will obviously be the massive underdogs. No team that has lost in a RWC pool game has won it.

[auchtermuchty]

No team that has lost in a RWC pool game has won it.


No team has undergone such a massive overhaul during a tournament either.

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

While our forwards will give SA a run for their money, if our backs make any mistakes like the Argies, we will be skinned..
England did not turn up against SA in the pool game.

True the forwards are playing much better, but how many points did they give away to France, due to infringments that were unnecessary...

[Albert Park]

What's the point of hand-bagging a decision to the 'video ref' if the mug gets it wrong.

The player threw it down, or dropped it. Either way he didn't place it down.

[MAINJAFAD]

but how many points did they give away to France, due to infringments that were unnecessary...

All of them

[docbombhead]

As much as I'd like to see England win it I don't know if I could cope with ALL the hype and sh**e that will go with it ! The last four years of "we're world champions" was bad enough but "we're back to back world champions no other team has ever done that before" will make going to work every day for four years unbearable !! The poofballers are STILL going on about "66" for gawds sake, if they win they'll all end up getting Knighted !!!!!!!!!!!!! On that note best of luck for next weekend Sir Johnny.

[Vim_Fuego]

Ok it wasn't the best performance by Argentina last night but I have to admit that I'm concerned with how swept up SA are looking...Montgomerie looks solid and his kicking spot on...Their backs look slick and quick...The only chink in the armour I can see is that the Argies had the beating of the SA front row for most of the game but is this just an exceptional Argie front row or is there some room to capitalise on this?

[wolfy]

Ok it wasn't the best performance by Argentina last night but I have to admit that I'm concerned with how swept up SA are looking...Montgomerie looks solid and his kicking spot on...Their backs look slick and quick...The only chink in the armour I can see is that the Argies had the beating of the SA front row for most of the game but is this just an exceptional Argie front row or is there some room to capitalise on this?

I agree with what you say Vim however the boks created little for themselves, with 2 tries coming from interceptions and 1 from a fumble. Yes they have a good kicker but he can be got at under the high ball sometimes, which can affect his confidence. likewise Steyn is a great young talent but he too can be got at.

My concern is that the boks are very good at capitilising on mistakes as was seen against the pumas, whilst the England team have improved they are still making to many silly mistakes mainly in the backs which could be our downfall

[Tin basher]

RWC Final

Winners Pool "A" v Runners up Pool "A".

The Boks are strong favourites but so were the Aussies, the Kiwi's and the French. But It's a one off game now winner takes all they might be favourites but England have the momentum and belief going their way I hope.

RWC 7th v 8th place play off Bledisloe cup Aussies v Kiwis nice

[Jim_P_Pulfrew]

Its an 80 minute game and they will be the tensest 80 mins either side has face for a long time. England have the tools and the belief they can do it. SA have the tools and the belief also but Fiji and Argentina have shown that at least some of that belief is perhaps misplaced.

Whatever happens and of course I am on my knees nightly praying for an England win by just 1 point it is going to be one hell of a game of rugby and the best possible advert for our great game.

Just to lighten the tone a bit this has just been sent to me by a fellow portly prop:

Q: What's the difference between the Wallabies, the All Blacks and a tea bag?
A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What is the main function of the Wallabies coach?
A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q: What's the All Black version of a hat-trick?
A: Conceding three tries in three minutes.

Q: Why don't the Wallabies backline need pre-tour travel injections?
A: Because they never catch anything.

Q: What do the Wallabies, All Blacks and drug addicts have in common?
A: All three spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

In the next edition of Chambers dictionary under 'complacent' it reads "New Zealand All Blacks, Australia Wallabies, RWC Quarter final, 2007."

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "New Zealand are good enough to win the World Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Did you hear that the Australian Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps. They had pictures of Wallabies rugby players on them. People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Did you hear about the NZ politician who was found dead in an All Black jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment

Q: What do you call an Australian at the RWC final?
A: Ref.

ALL TOGETHER NOW!

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?

And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!

I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.

Come On You Engerland!!!!!!!!!

Jimps

[The Bowmeister]

Q: What another name for the 7th V 8th place World Cup Playoff??

A: The Bledisloe Cup

Hate to say it but i was cheering on England Against "The Dirty Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys", and i probably will against the "Boks" as well :0

[auchtermuchty]

Hate to say it but i was cheering on England Against "The Dirty Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys", and i probably will against the "Boks" as well :0

Youre more English than most anyway - bloody forest of dean!!!

[auchtermuchty]

Hot off the press - new IRB rankings (http://www.irb.com/rankings/full.html).

1. NZL
2. RSA
3. ENG
4. FRA
5. AUS
6. ARG
7. IRE
8. SCO
9. FJI
10. WAL

So for the THIRD consecutive week England get to play the second ranked team in the world.

[Sospan]

Hot off the press - new IRB rankings (http://www.irb.com/rankings/full.html).

1. NZL
2. RSA
3. ENG
4. FRA
5. AUS
6. ARG
7. IRE
8. SCO
9. FJI
10. WAL

So for the THIRD consecutive week England get to play the second ranked team in the world.


Sorry to talk about Wales again but we are just hanging on to top tier status, Fingers crossed for a coach announcement soon. Playing the world champions next month with a caretaker coach is bad enough.::P:

[Jim_P_Pulfrew]

And another one!

A gendarme in Paris on Sunday night pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of the traffic.
He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this breathalyzer".
The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note. On it was written:

"This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".

The gendarme said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample" The man produced another letter. This one said:


"This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".

So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".
The man produces a third letter from his pocket.
It read:

"This man plays rugby for Australia , please don't take the **** out of him"

And another...............

Little boy in an Australian school is asked what his dad does for a living. The little ocker replies "My dad is a lap dancer in a Melbourne gay bar, thats when he isn't doing community service for getting caught publicly noshing a drag queen off on stage at a gay pride march" The teacher is aghast and says "Is that really true?" And the little boy replies "Nah Miss. He plays prop for the Wallabies I was just too embarrased to tell you what he really does"