View Full Version : Stupid Snag Awards
rest have risen above me
19-01-2006, 21:24
Here's a classic 707A entry from today.
"Aircraft rolls left with left trim applied." .... :PDT_Xtremez_21:
Any more classics from our romper suited operators.
sausage2
19-01-2006, 21:31
We had a Female pilot captain come in the line one day wanting to speak to a fairy, when one turned up she said and I quote
" The spinny thing at the front doesn't always spin"
I overheared the debrief and asked her if that was the technical term for it.
At this point she pointed to her hair and said "well I am blond" :PDT_Xtremez_03:
Had a Gyro thingy in the bay with, "Fails to erect in flight". :PDT_Xtremez_42:
Strange that.
I got called out to a crew in on a Herc once and the captain told me the throttles were too stiff to move if he did the friction lock up.
I had to ask him what the problem was 3 times before I actually believed I had heard it right.
Billy Whizz
20-01-2006, 08:41
Had a paranoid pilot on Andovers who was fixated with a panel that's light didn't seem to go out when he closed the door - microswitch operated on fully closed!
His reasoning?
When I close my fridge door, the light goes out well before it's fully closed? So what!!!!!!:PDT_Xtremez_35:
Pistonbroke
21-01-2006, 15:00
Many moons ago the Phantoms regularly had a snag, "No birdies in PD". Not being a fairy, I haven't a clue what that was. I could guess the PD as Pulse Doppler but what is the "Birdie" thing?
A CLING NERD SHRON
21-01-2006, 15:37
Many moons ago the Phantoms regularly had a snag, "No birdies in PD". Not being a fairy, I haven't a clue what that was. I could guess the PD as Pulse Doppler but what is the "Birdie" thing?
No idea. Is that a funny entry into the 707A?
Pistonbroke
22-01-2006, 15:47
I'm giving my age away now. That was a 720 entry!!!!! I was a docs controller at MPA in eng records covering 23 Sqn. Can't remember the old form number for the Change of Serviceability Log. Too many sherbots.
Wing boy
22-01-2006, 19:28
Not a story about aircraft but a few years ago at Ali Al I had a Young Rock phone the Commcen.
Regt: I cant seem to get through on the my phone card, it always comes up engaged.
Me: The lines are all engaged mate! Bye!!!
Two days later same rock calls
Regt: the phone in the block doesnt seem to work
Me: which phone is that
Regt: this one
Me: Bye mate!
My favourite was "fly in cockpit" when I stopped laughing I asked the crew where it was believe it or not it had flown away,what a shocker NOT.
Another good one.
Autopilot drops out at 80kts.
Jockey did not like being reminded that it's meant to drop out at, amazingly 80kts!::P:
Afterburner flame wrong colour (after reports to ATC by a spotter). The engine was still changed on the 'display jet', wasting a lot of tax payers' money.
At least the pilots' ego was still intact :PDT_Xtremez_21:
The engine bay reported - 'No Fault Found' and that the engine was the best on record (power and serviceability).
****ing spotters/pretentious pilots :PDT_Xtremez_35:
A mate from my fitters course sent a Rad Alt T/R back to us with,
"Fails at 5000ft"
He must have been asleep for the Rad Alt lesson.:PDT_Xtremez_08:
fugmeister general
27-01-2006, 01:21
when i was on harriers we sent a jet up for a loose article flight after many unsuccessful searches. upon its return the jockey was asked did you find any thing to which he replied " when i turned it inverted it dropped onto the canopy" to which the techie asked did you grab hold of it to which he replied "did'nt thinkyou wanted it........" dull jockey.
another was whilst in turkey the jockey dropped his lens cap down the side of the seat upon put his hand down there he pulled out a ruler & calculator then eventually his lenses cap.... just goes to show the lineys were on the ball shame the jockey who dropped them in the first place did'nt say so in the first place he was down there 6 months previous...
ChocMonster
08-02-2006, 13:01
A Fat Albert returned from a flight to South Georgia with a possible Throttle Restriction due to a loose article. The crew dumped most of the 98,000lb of fuel before returning. The captain reported the snag as, he was adjusting the clock when the P bulb fell out and bounced off his knee and down the throttle box.
Unfortunately, this did not ring true and on applied pressure his Nav gave the true story. When the captain was adjusting his clock, the P Bulb managed to come loose. Instead of putting it safe, he bounced it from hand to hand. On his last bounce it went from left to right, bounced out of his hand and down the throttle box. :PDT_Xtremez_42:
oh4fuxsake
14-02-2006, 22:35
Heard a 'goody' years ago. Snag debrief from an airfield 'somewhere in the Southern hemisphere' (yes, really, really South). Report of an F3 engine flameout (double if my poor Snecky brain recalls). Much head scratching. Much questioning. Sheepish admission of altitude. Many thousands of those old fashioned feet things. Up where the air is clear indeed...
Good story from a few moons ago....
A famous ex rugby player, in a canberra with the odd shaped nose,
Crew-in snag on taxy, comms bod sent out to see what problem was,
On opening the door he was confronted with the pilot shouting above the ambient noise that his intercomm and radios had just failed.
Our super sleuth plugged in the pilots pig tail and left.
Cost.... one slab..
oh4fuxsake
25-02-2006, 10:11
Caught my trousers on an engine lay-by stand. Hope Ron doesn't see the rip...
reddeathdrinker
25-02-2006, 20:06
Crew in snag, problem with some fairy kit. Fairy appears from crew room, and tells the seat-stick interface that it doesn't work in O-F-F mode.....
A liney who I work with put in a line snag reporting the thermocouple, at the half four position on engine number 2 missing. Not something stupid you may think but no engine in the fleet has a thermocouple at half four. This includes the aircrafts only other engine which he signed for checking. He had also checked several other engines in his two years on the squadron at maybe six engines a day. :PDT_Xtremez_09:
A JT I knew at a Torpedo place in Lincolnshire once told me of a serious fault on a visiting Hawk that was parked in our Hangar Mod-Team Slot - One of its trailing edge flaps was pointing upwards!
The big question is...How many more of you can't figure this one out?
Wing boy
27-02-2006, 14:26
I havent got a scoobie. Please enlighten those of us that are (supposedly) shiny!!!
May Contain Peanuts
27-02-2006, 14:27
This was actually a member of this fine site.
"My phone isn't working"
Young techie responds and sure enough the phone isn't working. Thinking that this person must have at least some idea how a phone worked he checked the rack - everything ok. On coming back to the phone the young tech bends down to inspect the cable.
"Been moving the desk around sir"
"Why yes, I have"
"That would be why you phone is unplugged then!"::P:
TheHogwartsBEngO
27-02-2006, 14:54
A JT I knew at a Torpedo place in Lincolnshire once told me of a serious fault on a visiting Hawk that was parked in our Hangar Mod-Team Slot - One of its trailing edge flaps was pointing upwards!
The big question is...How many more of you can't figure this one out?
I'm not at all familiar with Hawks, but I assume that they do have flaps, and the definition of a flap would suggest that it would be located on the trailing edge (slats tend to be on the leading edge). If a flap was pointing upwards, it would be a fair call.
However, you say on a Tornado base, I assume therefore that the JT in question was not aware (being a tornado man) of the existence of ailerons and therefore assumed that the assemetric deployment of trailing edge control surfaces was a flap fault.
Am I right? :PDT_Xtremez_27:
propersplitbrainme
02-03-2006, 20:38
F707A raised against a Herc....
"Loose rivet port side"
WTF? Might has well have been in Port Said for all the use that description was
Bengo,
I'll bet you do the Times crossword too?
Well done.
The guy in question had been on Tonkas for four years since training - Like many Tonka-Plonkas he couldn't see beyond becoming an 'expert' in his field and worked at one place, and on one type, for far too long.
When I heard his seriously worried query I just had to walk away biting my finger.
Wing Warrior
03-03-2006, 02:21
Another silly officer mistake, reported to me by a member of this site a while ago.
Orificer: The number i dial always seems to be engaged.
Techy: Maybe they are on the phone boss.
Orificer: It's been like this for 2 days.
Techy: What number are you trying to dial boss.
Orificer: 3110
Techy: (After looking at the phone for about 5 seconds) [Laughs]
What's your extension Sir??
Orificer: 3110
Techy: Dumb Fcuk!!!!
goatblower
22-03-2006, 15:52
OP Jural, 1995.
Jocky comes in all sweaty and almost in tears.......'the jet just fell out of the sky on finals'
Obviously we were a bit bemused and a bit concerned. Jocky was a stroker though so we delved a little deeper.
'Did you have lift dump pre-selected' asked the rigger snec
'eeerrrrr, no. definately not' knob jocky replied.
'Righty oh then sir, we'll look into it'
Leckies milked the data recorder and guess what.... **** had preselected lift dump, bounced about 60 ft on finals at the same time as thrust reverse and spoilers deployed.
Only about 20 hours wasted because bell-end tried to hide the truth.....
Stretchadams
22-03-2006, 16:10
In my early liney days, I was assisting the big boy riggers in a mainwheel change on one of our many Tonkas. Having jacked up the left hand leg, I jokingly remarked to the liney doing the turnround that "the jet's looking a little lopsided".
All was well until a horde of Riggers came steaming out of the Rects shed to fix the problem. He'd only gone and snagged the thing, dragging the riggers from their tea break!
ROTORHEAD
31-03-2006, 12:12
Rects Controller on Wessex to Jockey-- "Are you sure you want that on the job card?"
Jockey (a bit miffed)- "yes, that's what happened!"
Rects Controller (Prior to photocopying and displaying all round squadron) "Whatever you say!"
Entry on jobcard read, "On startup, large jet of fluid came from between pilots legs!"
Fairy in on Harrier (Proper metal one!) at Gut' "Theres a strong smell of oxygen in the cockpit!"
Rigger "Really!"
shouldhavetookredundancy
12-04-2006, 16:34
Some time ago in the deep deep south (78sqn to be exact) there was a loose article on a chinook helicopter, much to the amusement of us SAR boys. After several days of fruitless searching it was passed up to OC Eng & supply (acting as sqn SENGO) to release the A/C for unrestricted flight. He refused and cane down to the sqn to discuss the problem. In fact, despite the best efforts of the JENGO, the SENGO was most vocaly insisting (in the tea bar no less) to the chinook chief that he wouldnt release the A/C until it had been for an inverted flight! This is the sort of man who controlls your destiny.
I started fixing Jaguars in 1976 and was told this had happened before I came on the sqn:
A Jag was rolling down the runway (throttles open wide) when the canopy came off. The jockey managed to stop it before it got airborne but the canopy was Cat 5 and the struts at the back knackered.
The pilot swore he had closed and locked it, so the riggers were looking at a rigging problem and set about taking it apart. The seat came out and the cockpit sills were removed.
Later that night, the pilot walked into the hangar in civvies and called the SNCO rigger aside. He apologised and admitted he hadn't locked it!
TheHogwartsBEngO
20-04-2006, 09:29
I started fixing Jaguars in 1976 and was told this had happened before I came on the sqn:
A Jag was rolling down the runway (throttles open wide) when the canopy came off. The jockey managed to stop it before it got airborne but the canopy was Cat 5 and the struts at the back knackered.
The pilot swore he had closed and locked it, so the riggers were looking at a rigging problem and set about taking it apart. The seat came out and the cockpit sills were removed.
Later that night, the pilot walked into the hangar in civvies and called the SNCO rigger aside. He apologised and admitted he hadn't locked it!
fair's fair - at least the jockey did (eventually) admit his mistake, presumably after some restrospection and dutch courage. He could have let the guys work for days. I would go so far as to call that integrity
Good story from a few moons ago....
A famous ex rugby player, in a canberra with the odd shaped nose,
Crew-in snag on taxy, comms bod sent out to see what problem was,
On opening the door he was confronted with the pilot shouting above the ambient noise that his intercomm and radios had just failed.
Our super sleuth plugged in the pilots pig tail and left.
Cost.... one slab..
This would be the same dikhead who walked into VASS at Kinloss when he was flying Canberras on the tatty ton and said ''Don't you stand up when an officer walks into the room ?''
Ok so how many of us have change wheels coz the jockey landed with the parking brake on ? I have on EH101's , and the **** never even apologised ! At least I had the satisfaction of knowing he did it with the AOC flying in the left seat !!! PMSL
IX (B) Tonka GR1 nav returns from sortie and asks what the "NO" button on the TV TAB was for. Sent one of my lads out to turn the "ON" button back up the right way.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Signed Off: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Signed Off: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem #1: Number 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Signed Off: Number 2 propeller seepage normal.
Problem #2: Propellers 1, 3, and 4 lack normal seepage.
Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed Off: It does now.
Problem: Something loose in aria.
Signed Off: Something tightened in aria.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Signed Off: Evidence removed.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Signed Off: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Signed Off: Volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Signed Off: Live bugs on order.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 foot per minute descent.
Signed Off: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Signed Off: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Signed Off: That's what they're there for.
MingMong
19-06-2006, 19:18
When I was on VC10's I was the line chief seeing in an aircraft and was summoned to the flight deck to listen to an 'appauling noise on both U/VHF radios, rendering them virtually unuseable for the entire 6 hour sortie'. I borrowed the captain's headset and had a listen and returned the captain his headset and asked him to monitor the systems while I carried out a minor adjustment. The look on his face as I leaned over and switched the squelch on was a picture!
Flipper0465
19-06-2006, 21:55
Modern riggers....
As a fairy snec on a Tonka sqn we're not really supposed to know much about hyds or dirty bits of the jet, so the young rigger mech thought he'd be quite safe calling me to one side for a bit of advice...
Rigger " Sarge, can you have a look at this risbridger for me, I can't get it onto the jet"
Fairy "no problem mate"
Quick look at connector, nice and clean and no problem.
Fairy " go check that the jet side isn't covered in sand and try again"
Rigger "Definately all clean, but just seems to be wrong size"
Fairy " That might be because that's where the hyd rig goes!"
Photo didn't go round the sqn by the time he'd finished his servicing... honest :PDT_Xtremez_30:
when i was on harriers we sent a jet up for a loose article flight after many unsuccessful searches. upon its return the jockey was asked did you find any thing to which he replied " when i turned it inverted it dropped onto the canopy" to which the techie asked did you grab hold of it to which he replied "did'nt thinkyou wanted it........" dull jockey.
Hmm, I find that hard to believe matey. Loose articles in the cockpit scare the beegees out of us & I think ANYONE I know would have grabbed it & stuck it in their pocket!
Guy on 208 Sqn Buccs many moons ago was servicing one of the jets.
Gets the engine risbridger and finds the can empty.
Goes out to the in use POL cupboard outside the HAS and picks up a can of OM15.
The engine oil can was square and deep whilst the OM15 can obviously round and quite shallow in depth.
Upon trying to fit the engine oil ris into the OM15 can he noticed the stack pipe was too long.
Unperturbed by this small problem he promptly swanned off to stores for a hacksaw an made the risbrodger stack pipe fit and filled the engines up with hyd oil.
Has to be said you cant legislate for stupidness and he was an plumber!!!!
ExJayTee
29-06-2006, 16:17
C-130 Decca Doppler 62 (C-Comp sh1te!). Crew in from a female Eng. Lat/Long not responding. Quick Look. "Try moving that switch to ON?" Depart back to crewroom. Ah the days of BLSS "E" shift.
Tashy_Man
23-08-2006, 22:48
can of OM15.
The engine oil can was square and deep whilst the OM15 can obviously round and quite shallow in depth.
Upon trying to fit the engine oil ris into the OM15 can he noticed the stack pipe was too long.
Unperturbed by this small problem he promptly swanned off to stores for a hacksaw an made the risbrodger stack pipe fit and filled the engines up with hyd oil.
Has to be said you cant legislate for stupidness and he was an plumber!!!!
This was a cracking idea as most able chimps were able to tell the difference between square/rectanglular and round......now in yet another round of cost cutting measures (read "cheapest tender") BOTH OM-15 and OX-26 now come in the same size square/rectangular can.....just asking for mistakes to happen.
alberts nose
23-08-2006, 23:10
During a see off on the mighty C130 K on a cloudless day, I was asked if I knew anything about the radar, being a thick rigger I said no, so he calls out the fairies.
Fairy is told that the radar display is not working properly as it is not picking anything up even though it is sweeping. fairy looks outside and asks the eng to point out exactly which cloud he wants the radar to show. Cue one embarrassed Eng.
albert
230Tiger
23-08-2006, 23:26
Unit Test Pilot on the mighty wokka came in from a ground run and raised a card saying;
"Heater compartment smells like an old (Vauxhall) Viva"!!!!!!!!!!!!! You work it out!
gemarriott
24-08-2006, 09:37
Phantom nav reported his Ejection seat shimmyed on the way out of the cockpit.
Vim_Fuego
24-08-2006, 09:58
Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...
That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...
I got one of those looks.....:PDT_Xtremez_08:
gemarriott
24-08-2006, 10:11
Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...
That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...
I got one of those looks.....:PDT_Xtremez_08:
Well deserved too:PDT_Xtremez_31:
Job card today on NLS at ISK
"LRU ten declared bad, replaced and come good but still bad",
ferked if I know?!!!
Being the ex-techie now crew on the same aircraft I have to really sit there and think before I call for assistance...There are still a number on the line who know me from of old so I deliberate for that bit longer...Have I checked every button is where it should be before I make a prat of myself...
That said I had a crackling noise over my headset one day and after pondering a while I gave in and called for a fairy...Could not have asked for a nicer bloke (who I knew well) who kindly plodded through the rain to the aircraft...Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...
I got one of those looks.....:PDT_Xtremez_08:
Mmmm had that a few times too, now I aint no fairy but i got the old 'excuse me chief I cant get this RSP to stop making a constant noise in my headset', 'yes sir if you release the TEST TONE button then it goes away dosent it?!', cue red face.
Similar with a Nav raised 707B 'Air Almnac found missing', my card clearance was 'after breif 6 second search air almnac found'. There are two pockets on the side by the nav, because the almnac wasnt in the correct normal top pocket he couldnt be arsed to look any further, aircrew eh................:PDT_Xtremez_25:
FairyGoodGuy
05-09-2006, 22:12
[QUOTE=Get Tae]Mmmm had that a few times too, now I aint no fairy but i got the old 'excuse me chief I cant get this RSP to stop making a constant noise in my headset', 'yes sir if you release the TEST TONE button then it goes away dosent it?!', cue red face.
Vim::: Mulled the problem for 2.7 seconds and turned the volume down on the normally crackly LF radio...
Been out to many of these in the rain only to deselect the RSP "Test tone" .Give the aircrew the benefit of the doubt if the green test bulb is U/S.. but still deserve "the look":PDT_Xtremez_30:
The Bowmeister
08-04-2007, 19:06
On Det in Turkey on the mighty 14 Sqn, was asked by Rigger Snec to sit in on the Debrief about a CSAS problem, 1st thing the Snec did was ask what "step" it failed on in flight. (To all you non Tonka blokes, you have to open a panel under the R/H intake to get to CSAS bite step display)
Probably explains why this Snec was full time HAS Site manager!!
:PDT_Xtremez_42:
MontyPlumbs
08-04-2007, 19:31
Hung paveway II on the mighty carbon fibre vacuum cleaner. Jockey demands to know if the armourers had fitted the carts, tried to blame the SMS etc etc
Turns out he'd not selected the ERU safety lever to flight arm, this was quite obvious because the pistons were firmly pressed against the bomb!!! idiot!
Weird thing is he had turned all of the levers on the empty pylons to arm (as per sop) but not the one on the loaded pylon.
Green suited winged master race? ha, I sh1t em!!!
Realist78
08-04-2007, 20:02
This was a cracking idea as most able chimps were able to tell the difference between square/rectanglular and round......now in yet another round of cost cutting measures (read "cheapest tender") BOTH OM-15 and OX-26 now come in the same size square/rectangular can.....just asking for mistakes to happen.
Despite representations and pleas to go back to the round tin etc, the body of t1ts? responsible for air safety have said that's it's up to the engineers to read the tin etc and there's been no problems on VC10s etc. Now, that's fine apart from the fact that if people (on Tonkas) get used to the round tin/rectangular tin thing, then it's plain fcuking stupidity to change it FFS. It's yet another example of the tail wagging the dog. Change of contractor and he says that he doesn't supply OM15 in round tins etc. Tw@t who wrote the contract should've said' I want it in round tins, can you supply or shall I take this contract elsewhere?'. What's betting it will have been a Supply Officer type of thing (best intentions, but...ask the fcuking guys on the ground who use the stuff).:PDT_Xtremez_25:
Tashy_Man
08-04-2007, 20:10
Despite representations and pleas to go back to the round tin etc, the body of t1ts? responsible for air safety have said that's it's up to the engineers to read the tin etc and there's been no problems on VC10s etc. Now, that's fine apart from the fact that if people (on Tonkas) get used to the round tin/rectangular tin thing, then it's plain fcuking stupidity to change it FFS. It's yet another example of the tail wagging the dog. Change of contractor and he says that he doesn't supply OM15 in round tins etc. Tw@t who wrote the contract should've said' I want it in round tins, can you supply or shall I take this contract elsewhere?'. What's betting it will have been a Supply Officer type of thing (best intentions, but...ask the fcuking guys on the ground who use the stuff).:PDT_Xtremez_25:
They now have a temporary solution though....create more work by creating a sup in the 700 to record what batch of engine oil is used....bit late if after filling in the sup you find out it was hyd oil...but hey......
Apparently the NEW batches/suppliers will have RED lettering so it's easier to tell which is which !!
Time will tell.......Crack on...............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
CodeMonkey
08-04-2007, 20:11
While doing Gun Monkey had the IFF doesn't work(3 times i one day) from different navs + wg cdr qfi, well at least 2 of them realised their mistake, i went up to the cockpit the 3rd time and turned it on for the wg cdr and said "you need that on sir" his repsonse was "why?" to which i replied "because that's what i'm testing sir!", the response was "oh".
Oh anonther baby pilot on a certain tonka OCUsnagged the radio, unfortunately he failed to grasp the term line of sight, despite me trying to educate him
Tashy_Man
08-04-2007, 20:22
While doing Gun Monkey had the IFF doesn't work(3 times i one day) from different navs + wg cdr qfi, well at least 2 of them realised their mistake, i went up to the cockpit the 3rd time and turned it on for the wg cdr and said "you need that on sir" his repsonse was "why?" to which i replied "because that's what i'm testing sir!", the response was "oh".
We used to get that all the time from the chimps in the cockpit.......but we found a great solution to the problem....DON'T do IFF checks !!!
We moved our line ops from our "Line Hut" to the Hanger....GREAT MOVE.. (NOT) along with all kits etc and the IFF test set....ever since there hasn't been a single IFF check done....now i know it aint right but when the AV SNEC can't be arsed why should I ?
Anyways the chimps don't complain so it must be ok...
Crack on.............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
Realist78
08-04-2007, 20:39
They now have a temporary solution though....create more work by creating a sup in the 700 to record what batch of engine oil is used....bit late if after filling in the sup you find out it was hyd oil...but hey......
Apparently the NEW batches/suppliers will have RED lettering so it's easier to tell which is which !!
Time will tell.......Crack on...............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
Sympathies on this one TM. I have driven into a brick wall and nobody in the officer world is listening. I have repeatedly tried to get them to see common sense but to no avail because the career captions are flashing! FFS boats are v-shaped and therefore designed for rocking.:PDT_Xtremez_32:
On a civvy 767 last year...
Crew: Flight Deck Door difficult to close and slams loudly.
Line: Door Latches reset - door now slams quietly.
On a cold pan in Labrador crew-in for rigger, SNEC bimbles over to be told by the growbag in the front that his ECS does not work...................to which the rigger replies "start your engines". Brilliant, bring back Goose.
Cake or Death
09-04-2007, 23:20
after a flight test photocopied 707 comes round to each trade desk entry says:
accelerometer does not reset past 1!!!!!
After flight test sac CoD asks growbag:
CoD: any sooty snags
G:er no
C:ta si...
G:no wait a minute what was it... ah yes nozzle gauge failure flag came up and it failed at 475%.
C: er do you mean t7/tbt guage sir?
G: no of course not
C: well nozzle guage dont go that high sir usually only just to around 100%. t7 /tbt goes from ambient temp up to 820ish
G:no it was definatly the nozzle.
chief went to investigate, growbag said oh yes i got the gauges mixed up!!!!!!!!!!!!
Captain Slog
10-04-2007, 01:15
While serving in the Tyre and Tank bay at a certain North Yorkshire Tornado base, I received a phone call from Eng Ops.
“Tyre and Tank bay, Sgt Slog speaking”.
“Ah Sgt Slog, it’s Eng Ops, a Tornado has just jettisoned its under-wing fuel tanks during take-off and they have landed in a field about 1 mile south of the Base, we want you to take a team, your tank lifting sling and go and recover them”.
“Certainly” says I, “but why do I need to take the lifting slings, if the tanks have come off after take-off they will just be a crumpled heap in some farmer’s field now?”
“We have got an independent report from an Officer on the scene who claims that the tanks are intact and he claims to have the circumstances in hand and is using his Tornado experience to control the situation” came the reply.
Totally confused now, we throw the gear into the Landover and set off south down the A1 to finally arrive at the field in question to be met by a Rockape Flying Officer (this is not a dig at the regiment, I am just relating the truth).
“Sgt can I help you?”
“Yes Sir, I’m looking for the experienced officer who is in control of the crash Site”.
“That will be me” he says, “come with me and I will show you the point of impact”.
He takes us down the field about 200 yards to two dirty great craters about 20 yards apart and 10 feet deep and each one has a totally squashed fuel tank lying in about 3 feet of aviation fuel.
“Are you the Officer who reported that these tanks were intact?” I asked.
“Yes that was me” came the reply.
“And what Tornado experience did you use to come up with the reasoning that these fuel tanks that use to be 15 feet long and now are less than 1 foot long were still intact” I enquired in what could be only described as a rather incredulous and sarcastic voice.
“Well” he said, “I have been at the base for a year now and I see them take off every day!”
How I did not throw him into the crater God only knows.
Just as a footnote: the Jockey denied any wrong doing until OC Eng threatened to ground the fleet and then he finally came up with the classic line of: “Well I might have caught the jettison button with my flying glove finger when I selected the undercarriage up!”
Combet Sheep
11-04-2007, 11:51
Ali Al a few years ago. having crewed out of one jet our gallant aircrew proceeded to the spare. Female Nav call over a fairy and explains that the TIALD pod wasnt working. Failry points out that this aircraft has not got a Tiald pod fitted.
Cue red faced but still very cute nav.
roverboy
11-04-2007, 12:21
Aircrew: MMS fails BITE everytime
Me: That's 'cos it's LIM'd Sir
Al Kharj, OP Resinate, first sortie of each det by at least one Crew:
Nav: My Chaff & Flare doesn't work
Me: I bet you've got fault codes XX, XX, XX, XX, XX, XX, XX etc.
Nav: Yes, how do you know?
Me: 'Cos your pins are still in
Nav: But we don't get this back in the UK
Me: That's because the Pilot takes the pins out on his walk round and out here, they get taken out at the end of the runway
Nav: Well there's nothing to tell me how many Flares I've got fitted.
Me: I refer you to my previous answer
Nav: I'm still not happy
Me: I tell you what Sir, you take the jet to the end of the runway and when the pins are taken out, if you still have problems, I'll come down. I bet I don't see you until you land.
rest have risen above me
11-04-2007, 14:23
Ali Al a few years ago. having crewed out of one jet our gallant aircrew proceeded to the spare. Female Nav call over a fairy and explains that the TIALD pod wasnt working. Failry points out that this aircraft has not got a Tiald pod fitted.
Cue red faced but still very cute nav.
That wouldn't be Nikki by any chance would it?
This was a cracking idea as most able chimps were able to tell the difference between square/rectanglular and round......now in yet another round of cost cutting measures (read "cheapest tender") BOTH OM-15 and OX-26 now come in the same size square/rectangular can.....just asking for mistakes to happen.
I think you will find it has happened at RAF Valley allready and there is now an SI out for the Hawk fleet to check the correct oil is on the correct risbridger before replenishment!
Tashy_Man
18-04-2007, 18:57
I think you will find it has happened at RAF Valley allready and there is now an SI out for the Hawk fleet to check the correct oil is on the correct risbridger before replenishment!
See post #54 for the tonkas solution .....it still won't stop it happening...feckwits the lot of them.
Crack on..........:PDT_Xtremez_09:
Combet Sheep
19-04-2007, 09:39
That wouldn't be Nikki by any chance would it?
yes it would
Despite representations and pleas to go back to the round tin etc, the body of t1ts? responsible for air safety have said that's it's up to the engineers to read the tin etc and there's been no problems on VC10s etc. Now, that's fine apart from the fact that if people (on Tonkas) get used to the round tin/rectangular tin thing, then it's plain fcuking stupidity to change it FFS. It's yet another example of the tail wagging the dog. Change of contractor and he says that he doesn't supply OM15 in round tins etc. Tw@t who wrote the contract should've said' I want it in round tins, can you supply or shall I take this contract elsewhere?'. What's betting it will have been a Supply Officer type of thing (best intentions, but...ask the fcuking guys on the ground who use the stuff).:PDT_Xtremez_25:
"BEST INTENTIONS", nothing but cost cutting for the first tick in the box to getting promoted, the other being reduction in manpower without being detrimental to output, the pinnacle being; they get a spec rec if they can increase output! I bet it has not become known that all the om-15 risbridgers had to got to GEF to get modified with a longer downpipe to allow the bottom half of the new om-15 tins contents to be removed!!! That cost should be met by the bawbag that agreed the contract! In tonka world of years past to stop cross contam a round template and a square template was made up for the risbridgers, this basically "fixed" the errors. Why do they think the problem has gone away? thou should learn from mistakes or accept much ridicule and grief.
denthemen
19-04-2007, 11:24
Many moons ago the Phantoms regularly had a snag, "No birdies in PD". Not being a fairy, I haven't a clue what that was. I could guess the PD as Pulse Doppler but what is the "Birdie" thing?
Showing my age as an old MCS tech!
The fault would have actually been "birdies in PD" - they were the solid lines that showed on the screen when noise was coming through the system at a single frequency. Sometimes they were straight, mostly the snag was "wineglass birdies" as they formed a U shape on the screen. Normally a 5A2 change or 4A1 !
I'll get my hairy marys on now and go away........:PDT_Xtremez_06:
gemarriott
19-04-2007, 13:48
Showing my age as an old MCS tech!
The fault would have actually been "birdies in PD" - they were the solid lines that showed on the screen when noise was coming through the system at a single frequency. Sometimes they were straight, mostly the snag was "wineglass birdies" as they formed a U shape on the screen. Normally a 5A2 change or 4A1 !
I'll get my hairy marys on now and go away........:PDT_Xtremez_06:
only after you cnuts had us take the pan out for a bit box change that wasn't needed:PDT_Xtremez_25:
Chuffybum
19-04-2007, 13:54
only after you cnuts had us take the pan out for a bit box change that wasn't needed:PDT_Xtremez_25:
Always a favourite for the MCS dice-shakers...a BIT Box change. Remember 1 occasion when I asked the MCS guys if they were absolutely positive, without a shadow of doubt etc etc etc if the plumbers could refit the rear seatpan. Yeah no probs said the MCS there is not a chance in hell that the snag has anything to do with the BIT Box. Plumbers refit seatpan...yup, you guessed it..... the MCS f***wits wanted the BIT Box changed. Never let the plumbers refit the rear seat pan after that if there was still an MCS snag on the jet!
Goatherdingsplitter
19-04-2007, 14:59
Many moons ago had one from a Wessex pilot who insisted that the main rotor blades were intermittently flying out of track. Tried to explain that what he was seeing was the disc moving, either from his input or from ASE but he was having none of it. Got my own back by getting him out of the bar to view the ground-track. He asked what we'd done to fix it and the answer was, "It was simple really sir, we replaced the pilot!" Fcukwit.
Many moons ago had one from a Wessex pilot who insisted that the main rotor blades were intermittently flying out of track. Tried to explain that what he was seeing was the disc moving, either from his input or from ASE but he was having none of it. Got my own back by getting him out of the bar to view the ground-track. He asked what we'd done to fix it and the answer was, "It was simple really sir, we replaced the pilot!" Fcukwit.
A fellow liney was called to a crew-in snag on a Nimrod at St. Mawgan. Young OCU pilot explained how he was an ex split brain and he was taught that split pins were best fitted head uppermost and the legs bent into the castellations whenever possible! He showed said liney the offending split pin which had the legs fiited uppermost. The liney had the audacity to move the elevator trim wheel 180 degrees to cure the snag! Stupid growbag!
1. C-130 Post air test 700 snag: Para jump lights dim.
Work done and signed for: Jump lights bright/dim switch selected to bright. Satis.
Got told by team chief I couldn't put that 'cos it would offend the aircrew. My reply was " Do you really want me to lie on a legally binding document?"
2. Another C-130 snag: Wing leading edge overheat caption flashes intermittently. Using his obviously higher level of education, Flt Eng proceeds to describe how he has deduced exactly what the fault is. "There is a damaged cable in the loom as it passes through the wing root area - as the wings flex/flap during flight this is causing the cable to make/break a short circuit therefore putting the caption on"
I looked at him in total amazement and told him that unfortunately we had no spare slots for leckies but Billy Smart was looking for a suitable fookwit to be a clown. He never spoke to me again.
3. Airtest jockey on Jags is being marshalled out of slot and heads straight for marshaller. Does an emergency stop and calls for assistance. Tells me that he has no steering - I looks around a bit, selects nose wheel steering to on and walks off shaking my head in disgust. Funny how he never mentioned it on the de-brief !! Kn0bber.
Wonky Tonka
24-05-2007, 20:41
Out on the line at Kinloss, got a call to go over to bay 13 to see if I could help the Aircrew out.
They were showing a group of schoolkids around the Nimrod, but were having trouble getting power on the jet.
Crew assured me that they had checked and double-checked all the switches upstairs and that the problem must be outwith the aircraft.
It was.........the Houchin wasn't running!
Houchin started, power applied satis, red faces all round for the crew:PDT_Xtremez_15:
78 Sqn FI - circa late 1992.
Chinny Snag was something like:
"Restriction felt in cyclic control at approx 13:00@1.5 inches fwd".
After some time we were unable to reproduce the fault so I made the descision to find it again in flight.
We removed the soundproofing on the controls Broom Cupboard and I sat on the Jump Seat - and off we went, me watching the controls and them wobbling the stick all over the place to find it again. after another "some time" we give up.
On the way back the Snagging Jockey mentions "The Boss (a rather large Queenie Squabbling Bleeder) was sat where you are at the time", and suddenly I have the answer!
"So... If I lean here"....."YES!" says the Jockey. Fault confirmed.
I go back to the Line office and close the 707(whatever-it-was) with the Line:
"Suspect Fat ******* sat in Jump Seat" (he'd gone back to UK by this time)
welshwizard
28-05-2007, 16:09
Yeah we got one last week from a grumpy air engineer.
The captain had persuaded him to write in the F700.............'fuel leaking during fuel dump operations'.........you can imagine what we said when we read that one.
WW
Little Tronk
29-05-2007, 22:15
On a cold pan in Labrador crew-in for rigger, SNEC bimbles over to be told by the growbag in the front that his ECS does not work...................to which the rigger replies "start your engines". Brilliant, bring back Goose.
Similar one......."No ECS flow to cockpit!" Thats because the canopy is open and you would be trying to pressurise the world!!!!:raf:
Then there was a Sengo of a certain north yorkshire F3 Sqn who, on APC in Cyprus, had a habit of standing on the end of the pan when the jets taxiied out. Suddenly he started waving frantically at one jet, stopping it dead and calling me over. "There is fuel P***ing out from underneath!" he screams, that'll be the water extracter drain Sir!
Tashy_Man
30-05-2007, 08:04
"There is fuel P***ing out from underneath!" he screams, that'll be the water extracter drain Sir!
Thats a favourite for every new Jengo on his first det to the Gulf.....but they know everything apparently !!
Crack on..............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
Canberraman
01-06-2007, 00:06
We had the Canberras for a few days and were getting used to them. One was reported u/s for a leaking tip tank which was duly changed by the engine
and airframe lads. It went up on air test and on return was snagged for the
G4b compass, it pointed to any direction, but not neccesarilly the way the nose was pointing! The instrument boys went hairless trying to find the fault until one young lad straight from Melksham a few days piped up with. "Have you checked the flux detector"? The reply was. "How the blood hell can we, weve had two Canberra's for three days, 101 sqdn have had four for two months and neither sqdn has had the Vol 1 yet". The little knowitall fresh from Melksham knew (he would) "Its in the port wing tip near the tip tank." (No body twigged anything yet) The cover plate was removed and there was the flux detector, stencilled on it were the words. NO FERROUS METALS WITHIN 12 INCHES. underneath the detector was a six inch by one inch high tensile steel bolt! One had been dropped while changing the tip tank and rather than look for it, a new one had been drawn from stores. The airframe and engine lads who didi the change were strangely eabsent till the smoke had died down!!!
I have quite a few tales to tell about Canberra's and Lincolns if your interested!
Canberra man
Tashy_Man
01-06-2007, 00:13
I have quite a few tales to tell about Canberra's and Lincolns if your interested!
Canberra man
Always....keep them coming....lots of people interested on here....I never worked on either but the canberra's were still at Marham when i was there and i visited 39 sqn a few times to get some Vicon film developed.
Welcome and crack on............:PDT_Xtremez_09:
Canberraman
03-06-2007, 00:06
We were in Malaya with the Canberra's and they'd been on a bombing mission. They had all returned and I was marshalling the last one on to the pan. I signalled him to stop and then to open bomb doors, with an armourer standing by in case of hang ups. There were no hang ups, oh no, much worse. A dirty great thousand pounder lurched out of the n bomb doors and crunched into the tarmac and sat there glaring at us. Some made to run and then realised that the bomb had'nt fallen far enough to arm. The pilot looked on in wonderment as groups of us stood there counting our worry beads! Never mind, the bomb was pronounced fit for work and was dropped on the next mission.
Canberra man.
Past Engineering
03-06-2007, 13:32
The Canberra Compass snags I remember from my days in the Wyton hydraulic bay. After a flight control actuator change the compass system used to throw a wobbly, as Canberraman said the applicable trade could find no fault with their system. It was pointed out to us in the Hyd bay that large lumps of metal like actuators became magnetised during our testing in the bay, this again came from civvie industry. Well being heavies we said 'rubbish' or words to that effect, so the experts came down and proved that the actuators were becoming magnetised and this did not do the compass detector heads any good at all. The solution was to pay for an actuator de-gausing kit and train us up on its use, problem solved.
Canberraman
04-06-2007, 00:16
The Canberra's had been on a bombing mission in Malaya and were rushing back for a dance at the mess. They were flying in a block of nine and the one in the middle just disappeared. The plane in the rear of the formation radio'd that he just put his nose down and went and told the flight leader he rolled out before he did a complete bunt and added that he was flying like a crab! He landed alright, but we were grounded as were those in the UK. The mods came through pretty quick and entailed setting up the balanced relays in the back of the fuselage to the same ma and soldering up the trimmers. Trouble was there were four electrians and only three man coolers! guess who drew the short straw! I got cracking (it takes a long time soldering with a 12 volt iron!) Just as I'd finished, the engineering officer came up, He was a bit concerned I did'nt have cooler and as we were talking about the problem, he noticed some fluid dripping out of a drain hole and before I could stop him (I knew what it was) He had tasted it. "Its not hydraulic fluid " He said. "No", I agreed, "Its my sweat" He howled his head off.
Canberra man
Searchwatergeek
07-06-2007, 12:08
Picked up two stupid snags while away, pretty hard to keep a straight face and tell a nav that kit does not work in stby mode, bless em :PDT_Xtremez_28:
CodeMonkey
07-06-2007, 13:06
Picked up two stupid snags while away, pretty hard to keep a straight face and tell a nav that kit does not work in stby mode, bless em :PDT_Xtremez_28:
Got to love the navs on XV they forget sometimes!
Jim_P_Pulfrew
07-06-2007, 15:53
"RH Vib caption (Engine vibration out of limits sets a warning off in the cockpit) immediately after take off" said the snag. So we dutifully hauled the jet to the tubes and thrashed the engine to within an inch of it's life using the (then) new Vibration Analysis Kit. Download the result and then take it to the engine test bed chaps. Nowt wrong with that says they, so just to be on the safe side we changed the amplifier and a transducer.
Next trip same snag. new amp, both transducers and further analysis runs. No fault found again. DF's check the electric string still unable to fault it.
Next trip you guessed it, same snag. Change the engine.
Next trip. Change the gearbox.
Next trip slave a completely new cable run in, new amp, and another new engine. This took some time and involved a serious row with the Rolls Royce man who swore purple it was not the engine.
In the mean time the fairys did some job on the Radar and rather than mess about with a Hydraulic rig asked if they could sit in the back and do the test. No probs says I and off we pop. As soon as the fairy lit the radar there it was, the mythical RH Vib caption! Turns out that some valve was making the scanner 'shudder' when it was turned on and that was transmitted through the airframe, to be picked up by the engine vibration transducer as an engine vibration of the mainly bad sort.
How we chuckled when we cleared the Rh Engine Vibration snag with GMR antenna replaced!
Hercs are designed to pre pressurise when throttles are forward bleed air on etc.
Route I was on at the end the GE goes up to my SNEC and tells him that the aircraft starts to squeeze on ground when throttles arwe fully forward etc. He repeated it three times after my SNEC went yeah!
We had a Chinook come back with a snag that the nose wheel stearing did'nt work, there was one or two red faces when it was pointed out to the green suited master race that there is no nose wheel on the aircraft!
mactheconny
12-06-2007, 17:37
We had a Chinook come back with a snag that the nose wheel stearing did'nt work, there was one or two red faces when it was pointed out to the green suited master race that there is no nose wheel on the aircraft!
A couple of years ago the incumbent UTP (anyone at Odiham at the time will definately remember this muppet!) used to have a favourite snag -
"Potential for dust to accumulate on yaw pedals" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's also snagged chocks - in the F700!- for having perished rubber
Mac
A couple of years ago the incumbent UTP (anyone at Odiham at the time will definately remember this muppet!) used to have a favourite snag -
"Potential for dust to accumulate on yaw pedals" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's also snagged chocks - in the F700!- for having perished rubber
Mac
Is that the same tube that snagged the broom for not having enough brissles?
mactheconny
12-06-2007, 17:46
Is that the same tube that snagged the broom for not having enough brissles?
Certainly is!!!
There are many more he came out with too, can't remember at the minute, but will post them as I do
Mac
Certainly is!!!
There are many more he came out with too, can't remember at the minute, but will post them as I do
Mac
I remember a crewman telling me that he was on a trip back from fleetlands with the UTP and he did'nt have any snags to report so the UTP made him check every tie down ring by turning it 5 time on way and 5 times the other way, after that every time he went up with him he would find a snag no matter how small just to keep that tw*t happy!
darth510
02-07-2007, 18:11
A few years back on the mighty herc i was called to a crew in, the eng said he couldn't get the Gyro to erect, usual fairy kit-NFF, so i signed it up as "Aircrew fail to achieve erection" - "Ground crew had no erection problem", my trade manager saw the funny side in the end!!!
darth510
02-07-2007, 18:13
I remember a crewman telling me that he was on a trip back from fleetlands with the UTP and he did'nt have any snags to report so the UTP made him check every tie down ring by turning it 5 time on way and 5 times the other way, after that every time he went up with him he would find a snag no matter how small just to keep that tw*t happy!
Used to work in CASF afew years back-had a run in with the UTP a few times-blokes an arse
Boomerang
02-07-2007, 18:40
1st female fighter pilot on Tornados - JS, snagged the jet for having 'sticky flaps'. The debrief I believe was a bit of a laugh.
philthegonk
02-07-2007, 21:03
Once had a pilot, a former OC 17 who did the IFF inoperative in OFF mode! can't remember if it was the trip we kept him on the ground because he kept asking to start the micro-turbo, his nav eventually told him they aren't fitted on tonkas!
Swingwinger
02-07-2007, 21:18
1st female fighter pilot on Tornados - JS, snagged the jet for having 'sticky flaps'. The debrief I believe was a bit of a laugh.
Oh yes............and she took the RHAG!!
Canberraman
06-07-2007, 14:46
I've read some howlers in this thread. The aircrew of today seem out of touch compaired with the pilots of the 50s era. Our pilots were gentlemen, they said please and thank you and if a snag was entered in the F700 (that dates me) and if no fault was found, the next pilot was informed and told to watch for it. If it did occur, the unit was removed and tested and nine times out of ten, we had a fault. I would give anything to go back in time and live it all over again.
Ken
Canberraman
Chuffybum
06-07-2007, 15:00
I remember a crewman telling me that he was on a trip back from fleetlands with the UTP and he did'nt have any snags to report so the UTP made him check every tie down ring by turning it 5 time on way and 5 times the other way, after that every time he went up with him he would find a snag no matter how small just to keep that tw*t happy!
UTP?? Probably sounds really dumb of me but what does UTP stand for?
Unit Test Pilot – and believe me, when the chap in question was at Odious the product leaving 2nd line was at a considerably higher standard than it is today.
Mickwreay
20-07-2007, 23:23
Whilst on det with 18Sqn at Honnington in the late 90s, one of the Pumas blew over in high winds OOPS!. A cheeky chappie electrician made the last entry in the 707A "Turns over but will not start" Needless to say the management were not amused. LOL
..... Ok so how many of us have change wheels coz the jockey landed with the parking brake on ? ..... never even apologised ! .....
I had the misfortune of changing 12 mainwheels and brake assemblies on a Herk in 1 day .... fighter-jock converting to C130 and riding the brakes
Few years ago I had a write-up of 'Mouse in aircraft'. I signed off with 'Cat installed'. Didn't know such a lot of people could have no humour at all :) :) :) :)
Saints a few years ago, major structural mods team, jet arrives from sqn & had to check through 700 for snags etc when come upon this Green line entry on GR7, read;
'Crack in internozzle fairing, inspect every AF' . Found said crack, which had been stop drilled 2 months previous.
Cleared job card - Crack removed, see attached bag.
It was a hair in the paint!
da i ddim
18-02-2008, 22:51
whilst working in vas at coltishall had a phone call from the tower that a jag had landed for us.
quickly told them to call the squadron.
707b amf colt- various loose rivet on aircraft.
had a canberra pilot try to land his jet with the parking brake on proceded to bounce the jet down the runway rip out both main legs, one leg went through the tailplane which had just been replaced at a cost of 80 grand. his excuse was the antiskids didn't work, we told him the antiskinds only work when the wheels are turning in the first place.
team 3 amf colt- power transfer test on hyd system couldn't get it to work for 4 days in the end they figured it out, they had both systems ruuning.
isn't it funny when you tell pilots they cant fly their jets when you have just changed a side screen and the prc will take at least 3 days to cure properly, are supprised when they fly a few hours later adamant that it olny takes a few hours to cure the prc is all over the screens.
DE Scumbag
20-02-2008, 13:24
a real 707A entry from the mighty 17(F) circa 95
TV TAB does not work in O F F Mode!!!
TrenchardsLoveSock
20-02-2008, 13:30
a real 707A entry from the mighty 17(F) circa 95
TV TAB does not work in O F F Mode!!!
Had similar on the Pumas too. More than once the IFF didn't work in OFF.
Crew would also come in complaining that the jammer wasn't working. 9 times out of 10 this was because it wasn't fitted. Especially stupid as the walkround included removing the jammer cover when fitted!
The DFs would occasionally have to go out and fix the landing lamp by switching it from IR to White too.
DE Scumbag
20-02-2008, 13:31
Remember to this day when "OC Bulbs" (so called coz he always snagged his lights counting how many opticators were out etc.) came into the soft to report his ECM inop. I was called from the HAS to debrief.
Debriefed him asking him several times if he was sure that the Pod had worked for the first hour? He assured me each time finally getting angry with me for questioning his godliness. When I pointed out that his jet didn't have a pod fitted, he 1st didnt believe me (I had just been at the see-in), 2 stormed off and didnt speak to me for a year.
Oh how I chortle. :D
The Old Classic,
IFF does not work in OFF mode
But here's a real one I saw a couple of years ago on an F3 sqn
707A Entry:= Mainwheel tyre almost wore to limits
707A Coordination Entry:= Mainwhell tyre almost replaced.
Cake or Death
27-02-2008, 20:21
Well over the past few years i have had the pleasure of serching for various item lying around in aircraft but this one took the pi$$ the other day.
'right this cab has been snagged with a hum! go and see if you can find anything that will cause it. check panels soundproofing etc'.
'er when does this happen? just with power on ? just engines running? rotors turning?'
'Rotors running'
so we serch for a hum whilst the cab is in the hangar in a dead state. no wasps/bees nest found, no hum found!!!! who knows what it is but apparently its only in a certain area!
Some bits I remember from long ago as a J/T on a toom sqn up north where it were grim, or at least some of the wxxxs were.
720b - Radar u/s, electrons all over the place.
Cure - Electrons formed up in threes and marched off, satis.
720b - Lost the radar transmitter after ten minutes.
Cure - Nose pack search c/o, transmitter found after five minutes. ( didn't get away with it, but got a bollocking about doing things properly even if the flying club upstairs don't )
PD birds etc - We fairies had been having a poor time with a lot of PD snags, then one kite had a birdstrike on the radome over the North Sea, the pilot brought it back, kissed it down and taxied in with the remains of a Great Awk still dangling from the wreckage. Half the hangar turned out to look at it on the line. The Sengo turns to our radar chief and says loudly 'what do you make of that chief ?' Chiefy sucks on his unlit pipe, sighs and replies
' birds in all modes sir '.
Nav radar leader ( ex-fairy cpl, now sqn ldr )walks into the line hut with a radar snag, and hands my Snec a knob off the radar set controller and says ' I pulled it to see if it would come off, sarge and it did ! '
On APC in Malta, one particular pilot had a crew-in snag, changed a/c and had same snag. 720b entry read ' seat-stick interface replaced, satis.' Cue SOH failure by said jockey when he read the 700 next day.
needsabiggerfuse
03-03-2008, 15:19
2nd-line Gin palace, at Binb**k. We had a shiney, new LAC posted in from C*sf*rd. Gave him an IFF to functionally test. "Right then, here's how we do it ...". He interupted me with "Nah, no need to explain. I did all in training". "Righto, give us a call when you're done".
Time passed. More time passed. The silence was deafening.
Eventually one of the J/T's made a casual enquiry "... how's it going?" "Can't get a 'fing 'aht of it!" "How about turning the power to the bench on". 10/10 for enthusiasm, but I don't think he ever lived that one down. :PDT_Xtremez_30:
BillyBunter
03-03-2008, 15:27
Had 1 engineering officer who overheard the chat on the line about a loose article , he suggested if we done an inverted flight the loose article would be found
we had to tell him that in a Nimrod such a manouvre is not recomended
Funny thing is he was deadly serious when he suggested it :PDT_Xtremez_31:
2nd-line Gin palace, at Binb**k. We had a shiney, new LAC posted in from C*sf*rd. Gave him an IFF to functionally test. "Right then, here's how we do it ...". He interupted me with "Nah, no need to explain. I did all in training". "Righto, give us a call when you're done".
Time passed. More time passed. The silence was deafening.
Eventually one of the J/T's made a casual enquiry "... how's it going?" "Can't get a 'fing 'aht of it!" "How about turning the power to the bench on". 10/10 for enthusiasm, but I don't think he ever lived that one down. :PDT_Xtremez_30:
This is a popular one in most Bays. Either one or both the supplies off. . . . . .
:PDT_Xtremez_28:
khaine27
28-06-2008, 00:40
Had this one just yesterday from a new eng.
headset passed to me in two pieces, informed that it broke when said eng tried to walk from flight deck with it still attached. actual job on lits raised as "engineer attempted to leave cockpit with headset still attached to head"
Many moons ago had one from a Wessex pilot who insisted that the main rotor blades were intermittently flying out of track. ... Fcukwit.
I wonder if it was the same chap who snagged one of our Walters when I was on SARTU back in the 80's... snag was that he could feel vibration through the seat. And he was the only pilot who could feel it! Well following days and days of Vibros, bladetracking, control system and ASE functionals, plus replacing a jack or two he still wasn't happy. So we replaced that most complicated pieces of equipment, the seat pan cushion!! Yup, vibration cured! :PDT_Xtremez_25:
A couple of years ago the incumbent UTP (anyone at Odiham at the time will definately remember this muppet!) used to have a favourite snag -
"Potential for dust to accumulate on yaw pedals" !!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's also snagged chocks - in the F700!- for having perished rubber
Mac
The very same man who was OC 78 in 1991 and was presented with a red painted bone dome with gold lightning on the side and the words " Mad dog" above the visor.
One of the best snags I saw on an equipment label was:
"on selection of reverse thrust r/h upper bucket became detached from aircraft and landed on runway where it was run over by aircraft ***"
One of the best snags I saw on an equipment label was:
"on selection of reverse thrust r/h upper bucket became detached from aircraft and landed on runway where it was run over by aircraft ***"
Probably brownstars:PDT_Xtremez_31:
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