View Full Version : The New Boy
sausage2
13-12-2005, 18:00
We had this new bloke turn up at work yesterday, and to my complete astonishment some people are talking to him already.
I however am obeying the time honoured tradition, and not talking to him for the first 2 weeks.
Am I living in the past, or is it the others that are wrong? :confused:
Bitburger
13-12-2005, 18:17
We had this new bloke turn up at work yesterday, and to my complete astonishment some people are talking to him already.
I however am obeying the time honoured tradition, and not talking to him for the first 2 weeks.
I am living in the past, or is it the others that are wrong? :confused:
Only 2 weeks Sausage old chum? are you getting soft? You will be telling me you let him make eye contact with you next. I would reccomend at least 1 year and 1 op deployment before you even think about talking to him
The Helpful Stacker
13-12-2005, 20:07
I would recommend at least 1 year and 1 op deployment before you even think about talking to him
And even when you decide to talk to him in should be only in grunts and accompanied by the phrase '"fecking sprogs".
Beerofund
14-12-2005, 05:50
We had this new bloke turn up at work yesterday, and to my complete astonishment some people are talking to him already.
I however am obeying the time honoured tradition, and not talking to him for the first 2 weeks.
Am I living in the past, or is it the others that are wrong? :confused:
Sausage2
But how will you pass on the full wisdom you possess. You should at least tell him how by being an Appo you are superior and that he should hold you in awe for eternity!!!!!
LOL
:p
The only words he should hear from you at the moment are "If you struggle it'll only hurt more"
A year! An OOA! You blokes are getting soft as you age. This chap should not even be acknowledged until he has a least drank a pint of someone elses bodily fluids! (oops off thread there, thats the Liney one innit!) I have seen some of our pondlife get ideas above their station recentley. Asking for leave and expecting to go to lunch! Cheeky young whippersnappers, when I was a lad, we took our daily beating with a stoic look and a stiff upper lip. We never spoke to the Flt or Warrant and if they spoke to us we tugged our forelocks and mumbled to the floor! Bah, it never did us any harm!
sausage2
15-12-2005, 12:37
Then yesterday, the cheeky cnut spoke to me. grrrr and even worse, he wanted time off over Christmas. It was all I could do to stop my self hitting him with a pool cue. Time off over Christmas indeed, It was a good job the boss was in the room, or I'd have floored the tw@t. the cheek of it. It's going to take me weeks to recover from this one. Fu*king Scottish new bloke :mad:
Bushy Mills
15-12-2005, 12:56
Why was he able to talk to you? Surely having a broom handle through the arms of his coveralls and being suspended by a winch from the ceiling in the biggest hangar available should make him unable to be heard for the first 4 weeks of his appearance on unit?
sausage2
15-12-2005, 12:59
Why was he able to talk to you? Surely having a broom handle through the arms of his coveralls and being suspended by a winch from the ceiling in the biggest hangar available should make him unable to be heard for the first 4 weeks of his appearance on unit?
You are correct, I've Fu*ked up bad this time. The only way to redeem myself is to make him work over christmas.
Bushy Mills
15-12-2005, 13:01
You are correct, I've Fu*ked up bad this time. The only way to redeem myself is to make him work over christmas.
Hurrah !! Bout fnucking time we put the Rough As Fcuk back in the RAF!!
Billy Whizz
15-12-2005, 13:07
Sausage2 - what's going on! I thought I left you with all the nessesary skills to run the rigger desk!!! Too long in Control on GMS i fear!!!!!!!!! :D
Why was he able to talk to you? Surely having a broom handle through the arms of his coveralls and being suspended by a winch from the ceiling in the biggest hangar available should make him unable to be heard for the first 4 weeks of his appearance on unit?
Pull up a sandbag and swing the tilly.
When I was smally at the V Bomber base on the A15 we had a thrombosis (slow moving clot) called Deke Mirrie (close enough). He was an annoying little git who would ponce about the crewroom, singing to TOTP, reading over your shoulder and telling people what hand you had at brag. One night he went too far so we shoved a broom handle down the back of his denims and bodged him at the ankles, knees, elbows, wrists and head (and gagged him for good measure). We left him standing in the middle of the room. He tried, by bunny hopping, to move across the floor, he did of course fall flat on his face onto the nylon carpet that covers a concrete floor. What did we do? In the finest tradition of the RAF we left him where he was! In walks the shift FS, looks at Deke and lifts him up with his foot. "Someone sort him out" he says, leaving the room. We roll Deke over to find his face covered in blood! One quick trip to the medics and he is on his way to Nocton to have his broken jaw wired! The funniest bit was him explaining to the SMO that he had walked into an engine door, whilst scraping bodge tape of his forehead and wrists. Try that now and you would all be up on assualt charges, but hey ho! such is life.
Twonston Pickle
15-12-2005, 16:13
The important thing is, Stax, did he learn from it? I'm sure we have all gone through something similar, rite of passage and all that!
The important thing is, Stax, did he learn from it? I'm sure we have all gone through something similar, rite of passage and all that!
Did he bu99ery! Same bloke was cokcing around on the way home, early hours on Echo dispersal, decided to rugby tackle a guy twice his size and weight. Said bloke collapses on Deke and breaks his arm! He was knocked down outside St Marks bus station and walked on to the bus, jumped over the fence on camp instead of going through the main gate, went to bed. Next morning couldn't get his boot on and went sick, yep you guessed it broken foot! He was peeing out of his window one night during a block party, someone shoved their finger up his hoop (not me!) he stepped forward (see where this is going?) and fell from the second storey onto the grass! Fortunately he was so mullered he bounced and was OK! He was the most unlucky man in the world! He was also a NAAFI cowboy and a committee member and a Buff I believe.
Trenchards Ghost
16-12-2005, 09:43
Sausage2 Quote "Scottish new bloke"
Since when have we let northern people into the Royal Air Force. Surely the recruiting Sgt who allowed this has had Field punishment No1 Administered. I must go and talk to Kitchener at once and have him transferred to one of those front line Northern infantry regiments. You know the ones... The ones we use when we don't want to waste the shiney regiments like the Blues and Royals (Bloody good chaps those boys all from Harrow).;)
Sausage2 Quote "Scottish new bloke"
Since when have we let northern people into the Royal Air Force. Surely the recruiting Sgt who allowed this has had Field punishment No1 Administered. I must go and talk to Kitchener at once and have him transferred to one of those front line Northern infantry regiments. You know the ones... The ones we use when we don't want to waste the shiney regiments like the Blues and Royals (Bloody good chaps those boys all from Harrow).;)
As Billy Connoly once pointed out:
"It was hairy arsed scotsmen in skirts with strangled octupuses under their arms and ferkin big hats that gave Britian its empire, not a bunch of 'Nigels' saying "move over there, we're trying to make a little empire here". You bloody southern nancy boy!
shoutingwind
17-12-2005, 23:43
you are all horrible. be nice to the new guy- you'll scare him!
you are all horrible. be nice to the new guy- you'll scare him!
Do I frighten you Shoutingwind..........................Or would you like me to!
shoutingwind
20-12-2005, 00:29
Do I frighten you Shoutingwind..........................Or would you like me to!
Frighten me? nah, i'm a big hard ass liney chick mate! hehehe. its the pan monster thats scary......
Billy Whizz
20-12-2005, 08:25
Frighten me? nah, i'm a big hard ass liney chick mate! hehehe. its the pan monster thats scary......
Just stay away from Bay 4 - he tends to hang around there! :D
Bitburger
20-12-2005, 08:43
Just stay away from Bay 4 - he tends to hang around there! :D
Not that sausage2 would know, as he is too scared to go to bay 4 on his own lol
Billy Whizz
20-12-2005, 08:48
Not that sausage2 would know, as he is too scared to go to bay 4 on his own lol
Doesn't leave Control any more, does he?:D
sausage2
20-12-2005, 19:12
Right you lot fu*k off and leave me alone. Bay 4 is haunted , and I'm a coward, so no surprises there, do you know where bay 4 is Bit. I suggest not.
As for never leaving the office well OK i'll give you that one. But mind it is winter, and I'm very work shy, so no suprises there either.
Bitburger
21-12-2005, 15:58
Right you lot fu*k off and leave me alone. Bay 4 is haunted , and I'm a coward, so no surprises there, do you know where bay 4 is Bit. I suggest not.
As for never leaving the office well OK i'll give you that one. But mind it is winter, and I'm very work shy, so no suprises there either.
Yes thank you Sausage2 for your suggestion, I do however, know where bay 4 is, not that I ever have to go out there, I have people to do that for me. I also know where the Cells are and that is where you will be heading if there is any more lips from you :D
By the way Happy Xmas mate :)
Flying lessons - broom handle through the denim sleeves - Ah such memories! At Honington ( Bucc Days) we introduced instrument flying by the addition of an empty 'Crisp Box' on the head - had to be Walkers of course, no expense spared!
Another good one when it was raining, was to 'Bodge tape' the offender to a set of compressed air bottles, making sure that the head was secure. The trolley, with attached, was pushed under the most persistent big drip coming from the slightly open hanger door with the drip landing smack in the middle of the forehead! That one brought a few 'Gobby Tw*t's' done to size! :eek:
Bushy Mills
22-12-2005, 00:52
I think the best I ever saw was at What A Shame. The Radar bay dropped some 'radio active' valves and made the new guy clean it up. Then they all walked back in wearing full NBC, stared at him in horror in his blues and sent him to the medical centre for a check up.
The Medics who were in on it did a cursory pulse / respiration check and then sent him into a small cubicle with a couple of magazines for inspiration and told him they would have to do a sperm count just in case he had been contaminated.
When he 'came' out everyone was in the corridor singing "You're a w**ker, You're a w**ker". Oh how we laughed....
Mmmm... do you think we could have caused him any damage???:confused:
sausage2
22-12-2005, 01:22
I also know where the Cells are and that is where you will be heading if there is any more lips from you :D
By the way Happy Xmas mate :)
You haven't got the bottle to jail me.
Happy Christmas to TBFSIWEWF
Wing boy
02-01-2006, 08:23
The best one i ever saw was at a certain scottish airbase in the moray firth. We hooked up with clothing stores and got them to send the newbie a chit telling him to go to stores for his no 1 Home dress. Of course with this being Scotland No 1 Home dress would be a kilt would it not? Poor lad had never left yorkshire in his life so fell hook line and sinker and tootled off to supply. When he got there he was reliably informed that Kilts cost a proper penny (about 500 quid) and that his name would be put next to a kilt of his size. In order to get his size the supplier gave him a WRAF skirt and told him to try it on. 5 minutes later poor scrote appears from said cubicle to ask " do you have anything smaller?" :D
North Sea Tiger
02-01-2006, 20:14
The best one i ever saw was at a certain scottish airbase in the moray firth. We hooked up with clothing stores and got them to send the newbie a chit telling him to go to stores for his no 1 Home dress. Of course with this being Scotland No 1 Home dress would be a kilt would it not? Poor lad had never left yorkshire in his life so fell hook line and sinker and tootled off to supply. When he got there he was reliably informed that Kilts cost a proper penny (about 500 quid) and that his name would be put next to a kilt of his size. In order to get his size the supplier gave him a WRAF skirt and told him to try it on. 5 minutes later poor scrote appears from said cubicle to ask " do you have anything smaller?" :D
Know this was also played on an Irish TCO but he had his photo taken on exiting the cubicle .. :D .. seems to be a favourite at ISK.
North Sea Tiger
02-01-2006, 20:27
On posting to a certain German Air Defence Base in the Early 90's the wind up went as follows .. New Guys were told that the Med Centre required a Sperm Sample under German Law .. New Guy would turn up at the Med Centre and be pointed toward a cubicle with a Porn Mag and a cup for the deposit .. upon leaving New Guy would hand this to the Female Medic at the desk who would put it below the level of the desk and swap it for a identical cup that she would have filled earlier with a bit of flour and water .. look on the New Guys face when she swigged this down and went "Yup thats fine mate !!" was priceless .. the chorus of "Oi w****r" when he enetered his section bar even more so .. :D :rolleyes:
Wing boy
03-01-2006, 08:35
It must be a commcen thing then cos this one was a TCO as well, he was a geordie though:D
Ah, the old "contaminated oxygen". 2 X Poly bags, heat sealed, one inside the other, 2 X F731, LAC Ferknuckle clad in paper suit, over boots, respirator etc sent to the Oxy bay for disposal of said contaminant. The look on his face when the hoary old chiefy told him to "ferk off and stop wasting my time you cnut!" priceless!
Wing boy
03-01-2006, 10:15
Ah I have just remembered another classic, little scrote gets sent to the Wobbly with a "discharged" fire extinguisher and 'paperwork' for the wobbly to sign. Scrote stands in front of desk while w.o. opens the paper work which reads,
"give me the day off you fat b**tard or i will brain you with this fire extinguisher!!!" que mahoosive wobbly explosion :eek:
vBulletin® v3.8.3, Copyright ©2000-2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.