Worst Exercises Ever! (Pt 1)

[M_for_Mother]

This thread is for everyone to list the very worst Exercises they have been on, also any good stories about trg gaffs are very much welcome.


I'll start - Allied Warrior '05. Possible the worst organised, co-European abortion I have ever experienced. And I'm EXCON!!

Look forward to your replies.

MFM

[oldhamboy1967]

Elder Forest, I was on guardforce and we had no waterproofs in one of the wettest weeks I had ever seen... :(

[Inch High PI]

Ex CT 04 - How much rain!!!!


Ex Joint Venture 04 (apart from the Plasma TV agressive procurement project)

Ex Allied Action 05 (pre-cursor to AW 05) Was in Corsica though!

Where do I start.

Ask any of the old sweats on the JFAC and I am sure you will get the same reply!


Ex Blue Flag 05 in Vegas was good though (strange that).

[Stax]

Lionheart, mid 80's. I was a KPG at Portreath, we could see the sea, we could see the lights of Newquay, we were stuck on the edge of a cliff for a week. Second only to Cape Petrel at MPA. I have taken part in so many I can give you the timeline! It's HQ BFSAI's way of trying to make out that the Falklands is an operational tour!

[JNo]

Exercise Green Emerald - very poorly orgainised.

[rest have risen above me]

About 85 just before Lionheart. Brave Defender involved what seemed to be most of the air force being shunted to a different camp for a week. I managed one 12 hour guard shift at Leuchars all the way from Cosford. :o

[budgie]

Ex Green Blade.
One and a half weeks sat in a field near Wet Through. Rained from the start, my pit got washed away. :(

Ex White Hart.
3 weeks, on rates, road trip via Bruggen and Ramstein, Hotel 15 minutes from Munich by train.:D

[rest have risen above me]

I did that Green blade as well 94/ 95 ish. That was worse than the annual hardfall. The only time I've ever been on a troop train. :(

[budgie]

I must admit the journey up was a bit rude, just the one butty bag 'till supper. Me choccy stash was all gone by Crewe.

[HilstonPols]

Three years on 18 Sqn Gutersloh, no particularly bad exercise but endless weeks sleeping next to pigs that all take a **** together and the smell of pig **** stuck in your nostrils for weeks after is the worst. We did manage one chicken farm once but that was even nastier. I really loved the "Wakey Races" journey home, a detailed convoy brief about discipline and sensible driving followed by a La Mons start and wagons disapearing in all directions. Then the inevitable MTSS bod back at base asking if your wagon was F/S clean and fueled. Yeah course it is, I'm not in a rush to get to the Mally honest guv!

Bergan Hohne in the summer with clouds of mossies and only the DDT based fly spray to protect yourself with..................great days great days.

[Fablon biff chit]

Cornish Titan 2004

It rained 25 days out of 30 odd. Or thereabouts...

[budgie]

Not so much bad, as just sheer pain.

Anything involving Deci. My kidney's hurt, and usually someone always ended up in the med centre after falling down them storm drains. Still it's a laugh. Even with 7 stiches in 'yer head.

[DoesMyBumLookBigInThis?]

This thread is for everyone to list the very worst Exercises they have been on, also any good stories about trg gaffs are very much welcome.


I'll start - Allied Warrior '05. Possible the worst organised, co-European abortion I have ever experienced. And I'm EXCON!!

Look forward to your replies.

MFM

oh really!

I too am on AW05 and currently sitting in a freezing cold hangar in on an airfield in the middle of nowhere, built on top of a sewer (going by the smell) getting bitten to bits by mossies, losing the will to live, able to write this as I have b****r all to do in on the 14 hr nightshift as EXCON (those poor souls living in hotels in norway on full rates...) are not giving us any injects!! :o

To add insult to injury....due to the 4 days it took us to get out here in the first place (the South Cerney Rant will come later...) we will now lose out on the only pittance we would get (LSSA) as we may not break the 10 day 'in theatre barrier' - morale is high! :p
At least we have the army to keep us amused...and my useful phrases to use abroad being taught to me by the coalition brethern are just about keeping my brain ticking over!!!

Quick - Caffine inject...i'm fading again....... :confused:

[Diminished Responsibility]

I'll start - Allied Warrior '05. Possible the worst organised, co-European abortion I have ever experienced. And I'm EXCON!!

AARGGH! I AM ON ALLIED WARRIOR!! Not the worst but up there with them.. the worst part is sat on nights 12-14hrs every night waiting for EXCON to stick in some injects..they never come..probable because most of them are on the beer down town. Every time I phone to see if anything is happening or ask for clarification of dodgy and unrealistiv data the person who needs to answer is away at breakfast, lunch etc or just cannot be ar$ed to reply. Its okay for EXCON living on your rates in your nice hotel. We are in tents getting eaten by mossies etc. It is also strange that the exercise grinds to a halt due to "Bad Weather" over the weekend. Did EXCON not fancy a bit of work over the weekend???? or was it too nice in their comfy hotel beds with room service. :mad: Being a veteren of this type of EX( CT, JV, Allied whatever, the quality of the EX is down to EXCON! Please send some injects if its not too much bother ...I have read suicide bunnies and some of the dipictions are looking very appealing!! I'M ON ALLIED WARRIOR GET ME OUT OF HERE!! :mad:

[DoesMyBumLookBigInThis?]

As mentioned..the South Cerney rant - a precursor to AW05..... :eek:

Thu 2300 Dep High Wycombe through snow (nb V Cold weather) :(

Fri 0130 Arrive South Cerney for 0700 flight(Good news: we are flying from Fairford not BZN!)
0140 Hand Over baggage to bunch of young lads who throw them on the back of a 4 tonner
0145 Be shuffled into Reception area: Read: Hangar with plastic chairs and no heating, not even a coffee machine as they are all locked away at night…. sit on arse and do nothing…
0230 Just snoozed off – woken up to be given a brief about another flight
0300 Disturbed again…Check In with Passports and IDs (just in case you were there by mistake)
0400 Moved to the Logistical Feeding Facility (transport café) for fried breakfast (paper plated/plastic forks)
0430 return to Reception area promptly to sit on arse to be briefed that we will be briefed in 30mins.
0500 Rumours circulate of snowplough accident on runway
0530 Moved into even colder hangar – passport and ID checked…again..
0540 Informed flight might be delayed due Snowplough accident and the runway is surprisingly frozen (No Sh*t) as the 7 day severe weather warning didn’t kick the clearway solution into action!
0600 try to stay warm enough to sleep – but woken up every 20 mins by loud scouse accent to tell me that my flight is still delayed and they have no updates…thanks…
0900 LUNCH?? Tranport café for Pie and Chips – always a speciality this early in the day.
1100 Recheck in with Passport and ID card (just in case we have any stowaways…not even asylum seekers would try this one out – but again they have rights and we are only SLF!!)
1200 The rickety bus with equally rickety driver brings us to Fairford
1230 Board aircraft as they as they are still de-icing it (not expecting 140 pax were we??)
1250 Tried to start engines
1255 Engineer runs to back of ac hammer in hand
1256 Loud bang from rear of ac
1257 Engines start – but miss slot time – delayed 30 mins..
1330 Take Off – WAHEY!!!!
1335 Very slow climb out…hmmmm is this normal..??
1345 Fly along S Coast of Wales
1350 Fly past same part of S coast of Wales for 2nd time
1355 What’s all the liquid coming out of the fuel dump valve??
1356 See 1345 and 1350 for same location
1400 PA Broadcast: “Mumble mumble technical mumble mumble fuel mumble rtb mumble sorry”
1415 Low level approach to fairford
1416 Find all pax on ceiling – rapid descent of ac
1416:30 Mass screaming as butts hit seats on the negative ‘g’
1416:35 Wave at the 3 Fast Jets we narrowly missed
1430 Land without further incident at fairford
1435 coordinated senior officer/ capt of ac discussion
1436 no transport avail – stay on ac for another 30 mins
1500 Crew discuss poss of spare aircraft but need new crew as running out of crew duty time
1505 Engineering WO says poss of ac at 2300 tonight but only if they can find a sober crew to fly it as happy hour has started!
1515 Back on bus to South Cerney to wait for said ac
1600 Arrive to be told that there might also be a C17 tomorrow – confined to base TFN
1700 Transport café for reheated pie and chips
1730 2300 flight not happening – shipped off to messes various without baggage to consume all available beverages
1800 Beverages run out

Sat
0700 Transport café
0730 Briefing to tell us we will leave at 1030
1030 Apparently C17 has developed a fault – in discussion with Boeing to see if they can bodge it
1200 Boeing say NO
1201 Its Saturday, no VC10 flights on Sunday – maybe a frame available on tues???????
1205 On Internet trying to book Easyjet flights….. :o
1400 Army go UDI and civ air it
1500 Phone MT to RTB
1800 Arrive back at High Wycombe – Send personnel back to far flung corners of the UK to report back to South Cerney on Mon, Tue, Wed………

And then Allied Warrior began……………………………………….. :eek:

[DoesMyBumLookBigInThis?]

FAO: EXCON on AW05 - systems are down again - wanna post injects here (assuming there are some!!???) :rolleyes:

[Diminished Responsibility]

I'll start - Allied Warrior '05. Possible the worst organised, co-European abortion I have ever experienced. And I'm EXCON!!

...I have read suicide bunnies and some of the dipictions are looking very appealing!! I'M ON ALLIED WARRIOR GET ME OUT OF HERE!! :mad:
xxx

FACED WITH ANOTHER NIGHT ON ALLIED WARRIOR, WITHOUT INJECTS, BUNNY ADDS HIS OWN!

[Diminished Responsibility]

sc1 AW05 SOUTH CERNEY

[Diminished Responsibility]

More sc2 :d

[Diminished Responsibility]

ITS ALL TRUESC3 :rolleyes:

[Diminished Responsibility]

LAST ONE :p SC4

[Inch High PI]

So AW is going well then. I had a good weekend not a mossie in sight!!

Be Depressed!

[M_for_Mother]

Sorry for taking so long to reply, I´ve only just got up! And its such a long ride from the Radisson to Camp. You should have seen the queue for the Breakfast Buffet this morning, it was shocking!

Injects eh? Try this one for size:

The JFAC deploys on a major NATO readiness ex and, halfway through, they all fly home Civ Air! In any case we were told to make it as realistic as possible for you guys, so If you´re sitting on your @rse with nothing to do in a freezing hangar, I guess we achieved that objective.

Got to dash, I´m off for lunch.

[thickmick]

Sounds like you need your mother. Allied Warrior? Isn't that some skiing exped in Norway? Norwegian women, hotels and rates! I suggest you get yourself on a real exercise, or better still on a real op, before you start complaining sunshine!!!

[M_for_Mother]

oh lighten up, its only banter. fcuking Trogg!

Lighthearted joking aside, this thread is all about the ex experiences that people have had, good or bad (but preferably bad).

It sounds like you´ve got a bit of time in, thickmick, so why don´t you amuse us with your stories? Or are you just a boring b@stard who comes on here trolling for an argument?

Keep on rolling.

[thickmick]

Firstly, we're supposed to be training for war, so I won't lighten up and secondly, what is a Trogg? Is that just an officers' way of insulting a JR?

[M_for_Mother]

Just to clear up your ignorance fella, AW 05 is a JFAC CPX, run in order to allow NATO to sign the unit off as battle-ready for NRF 06.

The JFAC has been deployed to Montijo AB in Portugal where they are occupying a Mosquito-infested swamp, that must be freezing at this time of year. They are living in tents, not recieving LSSA because their flights got messed up and had to spend something like 3 days at South C, because Land would not release them. These guys are very much trg for war.

The EXCON have depolyed to Stavanger in Norway to a disused Naval Base to formulate the injects and run the Ex. Who decided this, I do not know. Whilst we are not really in the local hotels, our Service accomodation is significantly better than a 12 x 12 in a swamp! The JFAC are enduring realistic conditions, although you might disagree and feel they should be living in an earth-bunker, plotting ac tracks on chalk boards and communicating by Semaphore, I suspect that you are a bit of a Johnny 2-Sh*ts.

BTW, a Trogg is another word for a Caveman and, whilst not applicable to anyone in general, I think it is more than apt to describe your 2-line contributions to this website.

[Jongleur]

Formulating insects, sounds like biological warfare to me.... I thought that that was banned these days? How do you get your insects from the frozen north to the not so frozen south, and do they all need swamps?

[M_for_Mother]

The insects were originally intended to be frozen in Norway and then sent to the Gulf to assist the Iraqi Army, but the Movers at BZZ put them on the wrong aircraft and the next thing you know, they're only sharing a swamp with the JFAC!

Although rumour has it that the insects are on rates.

[Jongleur]

Beware M, if the Norwegians think that they come from the sea, they may introduce them as a new delicacy!!

I remember Wet Through too, useless siting, TSW pretending that they knew everything and the rest of us putting up with their pathetic antics. Happiest moment was flying home on the fat albert......oh to be a wing warrior, NOT!

[oldhamboy1967]

The EXCON have depolyed to Stavanger in Norway to a disused Naval Base to formulate the injects and run the Ex. Who decided this, I do not know.

It could be because of the CAX tool you could be using for the mission planners, the Norwegians have a lot of expertise in this area and supported a recent ARRC exercise at Bruggen as well. :cool:

Is anybody off to Cape Verde for STEADFAST JAGUAR?

[Standards]

Worst exercise? The Fitness Test!

Standards!

[Gentle Ben]

My god, Green Blade......that brings back memories. Standing on Basingstoke station in greens looking like tw**s, at least we had the infamous lacon of porn to keep us going!!!! :D