View Full Version : A Real Liney Would
enginesuck
16-10-2005, 12:50
The mythical "Real Liney" what would you do???
real liney stories here..............
Sgt Frank
17-10-2005, 07:27
VC10 all ready to go, couldn't pressurise 'cos the UPVV was stuck open. Clad in minging parka and trog boots, and looking much like my avatar towards the end of a 12 hour nightshift, I paced out the distance from the flight deck door much to the bemusement of the passengers. Jumped up and down on the floor, just above where the diff pressure switch was mounted in the ceiling of the Air Con bay. Flight Eng sticks head round the door and yells "OK its shut now!" Look on the faces of the passengers was priceless.
reddeathdrinker
17-10-2005, 22:57
A real liney mops up hyd oil spills with his fleece. And continues to wear it afterwards.
always_broken_in_wilts
18-10-2005, 07:30
"A real liney mops up hyd oil spills with his fleece. And continues to wear it afterwards."
Yeah right you big girls blouse, a "real" liney would rather be caught in a sheep than a fleece, feckin girls clothes or what :D
Real liney's play freckle's, you will have to ask one of the grown up's what that is :eek:
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
enginesuck
18-10-2005, 22:46
at least always broken in wilts has got the gist of my thread - munching on puke and gob swapping snot !!!!
p.s red death you definatly werent using your fleece t'other day.
Bitburger
19-10-2005, 09:45
A real liney would never waste time posting on an RAF forum........ O My God what have we come to??????????
Sorry guys, real lineys no longer exist .........RIP Line Swine.
enginesuck
19-10-2005, 10:49
bitburger oh bugger your right ........................ ive turned into a net geek.... ****
sausage2
20-10-2005, 05:04
A real liney would go on the pi$$ after nights, drink a box of wine, and half a bottle of vodka, go to bed at 1130, and go to work that night.
So thats why I turned up last night with a hangover then. And I missed tea.
fatbaldchief
20-10-2005, 12:18
Lineys drinking wine? Not in my day Sonny!! Lineys drink the strongest beer available with Tequila chasers followed by their own ****. Sausage you are a fop. :D
sausage2
21-10-2005, 16:56
Lineys drinking wine? Not in my day Sonny!! Lineys drink the strongest beer available with Tequila chasers followed by their own ****. Sausage you are a fop. :D
Fair play it was 7 in the morning, and it had a vodka top. so I had to dtrink what was available, cos the boozer was shut and I could't buy any till 10
fatbaldchief
21-10-2005, 17:06
A vodka top? Well that's alright then my tubular offal filled friend !
Brasso was the liney emergency tipple in my day.
Tasted terrible but afterwards you had nice shiney teeth :D
sausage2
21-10-2005, 22:07
A vodka top? Well that's alright then my tubular offal filled friend !
A very apt description. You must know me.!!!!!!!!
fatbaldchief
21-10-2005, 23:18
Well my offal filled brother you remind me of a story. When I was a young JT many many years ago I embarked on a spectacular long weekend (Deci Shifts) drink-a-thon. By the Sunday lunch I was married to the Landlords wife, his daughter and his mother-in-law. And the pub pooch was looking particularly worried. I had a wedding ring for every marriage (made out of drinking straws) and was desperately trying to consumate all unions. I was half way down a bottle of tequila as were about 11 other of my liney scum buddies when we decided to hit the Wimpy (again showing my age). When FBCs head hit the fresh air, it went ppptttaaannnggggggg! I picked up one of my buddies and threw him over the roof of a parked car, smashing all his front teeth. I then proceeded to do a little dance whilst singing ' I'm getting married in the morning' and was wrestled to the ground, only to spring to my feet and then pass out spectacularly flat on my face. At 1230 the next day (with two black eyes, a split lip, cheeks covered in gravel rash and smelling like a mexican brothel carpet) I arrived for Liney shift start. The Fat Bald Chief line controller, a man who made me the Chief I am today, told me to sit in the corner of the crewroom drinking tea until he told me to move. At the end of the shift he called me a ****, laughed like a drain and sent me home. My toothless mate forgave me after getting his revenge by ****ing himself whilst locked in the boot of my car (another story). It stank of Stella **** until the day I sold it.
So remember kids, drinking is not big or clever, but hey, who wants to be big or clever?
dolphinops
23-10-2005, 23:09
The lineys I remember from the fighting 19th drank their own puke to impress the women. Amongst other things...
19?, poofs, what about a true Phantom Sqn, 92, hissing Sid.....Lineys were mad as a box of frogs there....anyone know Twang?
He decided that a bar in Cyprus was not going to close. The bar shutters went down and he headbutted them only for the barman on the other side to pull them open. However he couldnt open them fully because of the damage Twang had done to them with his head. It was enough for t**** to dive through and beat the living daylights out of the barman and proceed to serve the rest of us with beer for2 hours before leaving rather pished.........he never got in the **** over it, amazingly!!!!
sausage2
24-10-2005, 16:18
So this bloke I know took some footage of himself having a $hit yesterday, and text'd me the clip. So if anyone wants to see this footage PM me and I'll send it to you.
A real liney would!!
Its amazing technology these days. Years ago you used to drag someone over to the Sh!tt3r to show off your pride and joy..........now you get full motion video of the event via mobile......amazing!!!:)
sausage2
02-11-2005, 05:13
Ah but the joys oh having it stored on your phone means that I can replay it at my leisure.
Incidently I was playing golf in the hanger tonight, and managed to take out a light and put a hole in one of the heating vents, so that was a result.
Bitburger
03-11-2005, 11:52
have shouted BRAKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Bitburger
03-11-2005, 12:00
Have checked the Safety Relief Valve Worked!
Myself and a few reprobates in Bruggen ran across the stage of the sergeants mess summer ball naked bar the pants on our heads. The flamenco dancers we had to dodge froze in disgust and we laughed like a bunch of schoolgirls right untill the beloved RAF police escorted us home. We thought we'd got away with it untill we had to give the F/S a good listening to, apparently his missus was distraught about the whole affair (I reckon she's fibbing!)
Are there any crusties out there who remembers this incident, it was around 1999 (can't be too sure, Bruggen's just a blur).
sherminator
05-11-2005, 19:04
A real liney would go out in the snow and minus 15 degree temperature to fix a nimrod, not the f*gs at kinloss who cry because it's too cold.
sherminator
05-11-2005, 19:06
On the other hand a real liney would sit in the crew room and tell the chief to 'ram it, it's too cold to go outside' as he gets into his sleeping bag :D
sherminator
05-11-2005, 19:06
and then starts to play with himself as everyone else in the crewroom watches
Bitburger
06-11-2005, 00:44
On the other hand a real liney would sit in the crew room and tell the chief to 'ram it, it's too cold to go outside' as he gets into his sleeping bag :D
And a real Chief would have dragged said 'real liney' out of the crewromm , round the back of the hangar and beaten the holy crap out of him. :D
Cat of Shadows
06-11-2005, 09:37
And a real Chief would have dragged said 'real liney' out of the crewromm , round the back of the hangar and beaten the holy crap out of him. :D
Ah, the good old days!!
Sadly the order from you JNCO/SNCO to 'sort him out before I do' doesn't resinate as readily around the bizarres anymore!
Never known a real liney not to follow said request when asked for; god bless you all.
A real liney would pull the ugliest bird going on a night out, but be sober when doing so!
sausage2
09-11-2005, 14:24
Whilst getting leathered with a load of US marines, A real liney would challenge the biggest one there to a sumo fight, When he agrees then change the rules, tell him you only do sumo naked, strip off and trash the room while fighting him.
Apparently some one did this, and the marine was not at all impressed, for some reason he did not like the sight of this blokes rippling torso. And they easily beat him.
rest have risen above me
09-11-2005, 14:41
Myself and a few reprobates in Bruggen ran across the stage of the sergeants mess summer ball naked bar the pants on our heads. The flamenco dancers we had to dodge froze in disgust and we laughed like a bunch of schoolgirls right untill the beloved RAF police escorted us home. We thought we'd got away with it untill we had to give the F/S a good listening to, apparently his missus was distraught about the whole affair (I reckon she's fibbing!)
Are there any crusties out there who remembers this incident, it was around 1999 (can't be too sure, Bruggen's just a blur).
Would that be listening to a loud Irish fergus type FS?
He'd only go through what his room mate did.
sausage2
09-11-2005, 19:08
Pick the ugliest bird in the bar, poke her in the face, spend $67 on beer and then let the lads shag the minger.
She wasn't that ugly. She was uglier, and quite hairy too!
sausage2
10-11-2005, 09:52
She wasn't that ugly. She was uglier, and quite hairy too!
Fu*k me budgie, I've seen some horrors in my time, but that!!!!!!!!
Fu*k me budgie, I've seen some horrors in my time, but that!!!!!!!!
I have no shame. Why was I made like this?
sausage2
10-11-2005, 15:59
You are correct to have no shame. Shame is weakness.
Mind she was fu*king ugly. Sheesh
christ she was horrible, the thought of her is making me feel sick
the thought of her is making me feel sick
Not as sick as I was!
Bitburger
10-11-2005, 22:55
Sausage2, After looking at you posts I find the following
1. You are an Appo
2 You drink wine
3. You think it is only porn if there is a cock in it
4. You fight naked with US Marines.
Now we are in a PC Equal Ops fluffy RAF but I must make a note to myself not to drop the soap in the showers when you are around.
;)
sausage2
10-11-2005, 23:47
Now we are in a PC Equal Ops fluffy RAF but I must make a note to myself not to drop the soap in the showers when you are around.
;)
Now I'm not sure, but it sounds like you're suggesting I'm a bummer? It's legal now and should be encouraged and secondly we've all done it.
Also you've got nothing to worry about, cos you're ugly and your breath smells, so I don't fancy you anyway.
Also
1. Cream of the Airforce
2. Only with a vodka top
3. Yeah well erm
4. Cos I'm nails and he was fu*king asking for it.
Fergus, is that you? or does someone else remember the incident. God bless FS Grant and all who sailed in him :D
Bitburger
11-11-2005, 17:11
A real liney would never make decisions based on the order in which a row of electronic media cards were completed when randomly shuffled and then claim the decision was made ' in accordance with the prophesy'
You know who you are :D
rest have risen above me
11-11-2005, 17:24
A real liney would stand on the bar doing a hula dance with his nuts hanging out in front of a dodgey Dutch Squadron in Deci.........Twitch any comments??????? and no I'm not the mad irish man. :confused: you will be........
sausage2
11-11-2005, 18:41
A real liney would never make decisions based on the order in which a row of electronic media cards were completed when randomly shuffled and then claim the decision was made ' in accordance with the prophesy'
You know who you are :D
Hmmmm. That may or may not be me then!!!
The correct result was obtained , It could have been a nasty result with me doing mindless chores but in accordance with the prophecy I won and got to finnish what I was doing.
And every sentence I speak from now on will end in the words "in accordance with the prophesy"
Brasso was the liney emergency tipple in my day.
Tasted terrible but afterwards you had nice shiney teeth :D
Blue Stratos, you always had nice breath in the morning............... but a tongue like a raisin!
Aaaaaaaah happy days!
sausage2
12-11-2005, 08:14
So this bloke I know, went straight from work to the bar in uniform, to watch Wales play rugby :( , And carried on boozing all night, ended up in the bop till 0100, still in uniform, grandslammed the bed and is now in work at 0715, feeling a bit ropey. In accordance with the prophesy.
Vim_Fuego
13-11-2005, 03:09
After nipping off during a lull in his shift to sh*g his wraf girly in his room...let his less fortunate shift muckers sniff the hand he utilised the most during 'relations' whilst he enjoyed a marby light in the smokers room...
Oddly enough when he left both hands were grimy and had a healthy coating of OX-7 on them..but on his return one was really clean and smelt funny! :eek:
fatbaldchief
13-11-2005, 23:02
When I was a young scamp I was on Guard on nights with a young WAF I was having a bit of a thing with. I was in the wendy house at the main gate when she brought me a cuppa. As the Sgts Mess was kicking out after a do the SWO stumbled across the road to have a chat. My little WAF friend ducked down for fear of gettin into trouble and as the SWO approached I felt my DP strides zip being lowered and Little FBC being freed from his snug little hideout. As the SWO drew up to the window my little fellow was being quite expertly licked from his slumber. A nice chat with the genial SWO ensued and he went home happy that his little guards were probably the happiest guards he had ever seen!!!
Please insert own Guard/Weapon/Cleaning/Oiling joke here !!!!!! :D
goatblower
14-11-2005, 00:34
Deci stories.....
A real liney would insert boiled egg up his ar5e...fire it across the nags for fellow liney to eat...
A real liney would, during the course of a horse racing night outside the mess, nip into the O's mess and drop a log on their pool table..... he he....
A real liney would, on a drunken binge weekend in Alghero, refuse point blank to the Caribinari that his name was not that stated on his passport, but in fact wendy...
A real liney would load up his foreskin and his ringpiece with small coins and play the 'human slot machine'....chaching!!!!!
and last but not least a real liney would steal the xmas tree that has been blessed by the pope from the conscripts mess and hide it in his room....how did they know it was him I hear you ask????......they followed the trail of lights and tinsel to his door.... Lifetime ban from Italy that one!!!!
oh nearly forgot.......a real liney would do a see off on a uni-cycle and jugling three balls at the same time.....classic goldie!!!
More Tea Vicar?
16-11-2005, 14:00
Can Leckies be honourary lineys too?
This is not an urban myth - it happened - I was there.
I knew one who got ming-monged, threw up in his pint glass and drank it (all). It was a mixture of shorts - including creme-de-menth and was bright green coming out as well as going in.
Just to spoil the party he then threw it up again all over our beer-glass laden table and got us thrown out of a heaving bar. Bas**rd!
Good night though :cool:
Don't tell me.. a real liney would have scraped it up and had another go.... or taken it home for breakfast... :eek:
Bitburger
17-11-2005, 09:11
Can Leckies be honourary lineys too?
This is not an urban myth - it happened - I was there.
I knew one who got ming-monged, threw up in his pint glass and drank it (all). It was a mixture of shorts - including creme-de-menth and was bright green coming out as well as going in.
Just to spoil the party he then threw it up again all over our beer-glass laden table and got us thrown out of a heaving bar. Bas**rd!
Good night though :cool:
Don't tell me.. a real liney would have scraped it up and had another go.... or taken it home for breakfast... :eek:
Nope a real liney would have passed it to his Liney mate and dared him to drink it with the words' Go on dare you or are you a puff'? :D
More Tea Vicar?
17-11-2005, 13:53
Nope a real liney would have passed it to his Liney mate and dared him to drink it with the words' Go on dare you or are you a puff'? :D
Yeah and a real hard core liney would have gob swapped it. :eek:
That's it, I give up. I can't think of anything more depraved - hence I am not a liney. :D
sausage2
17-11-2005, 22:42
Make a hole in your room wall through a poster of Jamie Oliver, and use his mouth as a glory hole.
You know who you are.
as the thread says a real liney would.
gay or something sausage?
partial to bacrdi brezeers?
sausage2
18-11-2005, 02:33
gay or something sausage?
Well it wasn't me making the glory hole was it Budgie!!!!
partial to bacrdi brezeers?
It was a one off incident when I was leathered anyway due to a funtion that you minions were not invited to. And it made me look really cool and an instant hit with the ladies
tonkaplonka
18-11-2005, 09:43
See a pint pot in the nightclub trough, full with other peoples pish, drink half then fill it with his own and drink the rest. :eek:
Captain Pugwash
10-02-2006, 23:36
Take a wendy with no 600 whatsoever, start pirouetting it through a wet hangar, lose control completely and park in a full tonka drop-tank, few years after that also punch out his Jengo and then be completly bemused as to why he never got a fitters course.
One night in the Clifton one said Armourer was going to the bog for a slash. Armourer mate wanted to be sick so deposited said vom in pint glass. Said ****ing armourer then drank said puke and departed to the urinal where he deposited said urine and said vomit in one sitting. He then had to convince the barman (who was ****ing next to him) that it wasn't his vomit in a bid not to be ejected from the pub before his Boccaneer had been served to him.....
We didn't have prophecy at Lossie, we just had 'The Law'.
Does anyone know who in their right mind would ask what the Three Man Lift was and actually do it??
mightyhunter
14-02-2006, 22:57
wander back the hotel in downtown lim, stagger into room, proceed to take a dump in the bath and forgot about until the next morning!!! the said stool's stench the next morning meant it was joined by stomach contents
:PDT_Xtremez_34:
mightyhunter
21-02-2006, 23:32
Does anyone know who in their right mind would ask what the Three Man Lift was and actually do it?? probably same person who asks, in the sqn. bar, what a shack/nimrod/other multi-engine aircraft is and then gets involved re-inacting said aircraft's engine start!!
A real liney would
Dry Ice bomb damage
Check this out!!!
http://www.dryiceinfo.com/fog.htm
Just remember, dont hold the bottle for too long you t!t
http://www.dryiceinfo.com/Pictures/dry%20ice%20bomb%20injury.jpg
A real liney would go out in the snow and minus 15 degree temperature to fix a nimrod, not the f*gs at kinloss who cry because it's too cold.
Been there done that got the T-shirt. Except I held a torch for about 4 hours while Dutch Holland changed a brake pack in a fookin blizzard !
Real lineys have a potato cannon for launching spuds at scuffers and any other valid targets while at beer calls and airshows !
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